Best frens exist for life..

Helpless

2010-11-07T20:22:00.003+08:00

Why am i always in this situation?

My heart is bleeding..

It's hurt yet again..

Every now and then crying out to her name.

The state i am in now...

Its terrible..

Its bad..

I'm in enough shit myself alr..

Yet i'm thrown into a r/s jail...

I needa get out of here...

I needa get free from this struggle..

But how long more?

I simply jus want you back..

You were right..

I'v came to rely on you heavily..

Shit..

2009-12-27T07:57:00.002+08:00

Korea hopefully this may..

Loads of saving ups to be done..

Recruiting people for the korea trip..

Anyone interested may feel free to let me know..

It'll be awesome !

2009-12-20T23:14:00.002+08:00

back from holidays..

now the starting of 2 years of regimental police life..

loads of frens says they are having fun and loving it in there..

guess i'v gotta go experience it for myself...

was having dinner with mum at hub when i bump into dason and co.

they mentioned seeing alot of sandrina in amk..

for a moment i couldn't regco that name..

then i remembered..

that girl..

yeah..

memories started flowing back but then hey..

didn't i benefited so much from the breakup?

look at the life i'm having now..

it's awesome..

dun need no girl to burden me..

time to pack..

fcuk.. clementi..

for the next 6 weeks..

oh gosh..

2009-12-16T03:40:00.003+08:00

back from thailand..

its quite boring..

considered myself flushing 720 bucks down the bowl..

but still there are moments of fun and satisfaction..

next stop malaysia...

hope it'll be better..

u finally made me understood something,

something i could never have understood while i was with you..

love did not exsist..

its all jus fantasys all these long..

it's time to start loving myself..

2009-11-27T18:04:00.003+08:00

Even if the sky is falling down down down...

Awesome song yeaa?

Personal Favourite since it came out on air..

Esp at the clubs..

Would love to get this song out to her..

But wad are my chances?

hahas..

Wooo.. The rain's stopped..

Time to go fishing..

Hopefully it will be my first yet not last time. =)

2009-11-22T01:06:00.003+08:00

Life in Tekong is coming to an end for me..

POP-ing on the 9th Dec..

Will be doing quite abit of travelling after graduating..

First stop.. Bangkok for 5 days..

Then KL for 4 days..

Can't wait man... ;)

2009-11-08T14:21:00.003+08:00

I thought you were who you are trying to portrait yourself as..

Yet.. i was wrong..

Trying so hard to maintain that "close to impossible" fren-ship..

Trying so hard t get back into your good terms...

Now i know..

All you cared was yourself..

I'll fuck off from now on..

Rejoice all you want..

You'r hopeless in everyone's eyes..

2009-10-31T20:24:00.002+08:00

Jus got back from field camp..

It's tough i swear and we get fucked almost every single day..

And most of the time i dun even know why we deserve it..

But i know eventually it is for our own good..

I believe these 6 days out in the wild,

have bonded many of us..

It also showed the true colours of many..

Good or bad, we are from 1 section, the same platoon..

We fight, sweat, endured hell together..

And we taste joy, satisfactory and success together..

Its one of the toughest experience i'v ever had..

But its also one of the best of the many i will have..

I'm jus relieved we all pulled thru these..

Now wad awaits us is jus merely SOC, IPPT and SIT Test..

I believe we'll get stronger physiclly, mentally and spiritually..

Kinda random but, combat ration taste like crap after the third day..

Had biscuits and water for all 3 meals for the last 3 days..

AND I HAVEN SHOWERED FOR 6 DAYS !!

HAHAS..

Hope i have lost a couple of kgs though...

Laughs.

Alright...

Happy halloween people !!

5 weeks to POP !!!

Can't wait..

Can't imagine how fast time flies..

One moment i was emo-ing over a broken heart,

Now it's already 8 weeks into BMT..

No photos to post ppl..

Sorry for the boring wordy posts..

Bare with it yeah?

2009-10-16T02:17:00.002+08:00

Jus today, i heard it from the 13th person,

That she looks like thrash now..

And as usual, the question is wad happened to her?

I dunno.. I have no ans to that..

Maybe that's who she actually is..

Maybe all that i knew before,

was jus a girl putting on a strong front..

I felt totally lost..

Totally...

I like to make myself believe that she's the one for me~

2009-10-15T18:29:00.002+08:00

Extended MC till friday..

Anyway..

Booking in on Sat afternoon ,

cuz there is range on Sunday,

and we gotta prepare for it..

Body's still feeling weak..

No sign of a speedy recovery..

Pray for me ppl.. =/

2009-10-14T09:25:00.002+08:00

Still coughing very badly..

Can barely talk..

Now i know how it feels like when u'r all alone..

With no one showering you with love and care..

In this plauged with lies world, nothing is what it seems.

2009-10-13T10:57:00.003+08:00

I'm so fucking sick..

And i'm sick at the wrong time again..

Fucked..

Missed my third IPPT..

Confined at home for 3 days..

2009-10-11T12:04:00.002+08:00

It's been too long..

I'v totally forgotten how to love..

And wad it feels like to be loved..

Love lights more fire then hate extingushes.

2009-10-10T16:25:00.002+08:00

Feels disconncted to the outside world..

Everyday in tekong..

Life's a routine..

Its boring yet it does not turn me off a single bit..

Booking out..

Walking along the brigde to the fast-craft..

The coasta-line nva fails to make a impact in me..

How nice would it be to be able to..

Hold her hand and take a stroll as the waves crashes in..

If only..

Laughs..

Nah.. Not possible..

Not in this life-time at least..

Heading out now..

Ciaos~

2009-10-04T16:29:00.000+08:00

2009-10-04T10:33:00.002+08:00

It breaks my heart,
Tears me apart.
But its a painful truth.
A truth i gotta accept.
But I know even w/o you.
Life will be great.
I gotta feeling.
That everynight's gonna be a good night.

2009-10-03T13:33:00.003+08:00

Life's a cycle..
It goes round and round..
It's a blink of an eye before you are back to where you were standing before.
Period.

2009-10-02T22:38:00.001+08:00

Life changing experience..
If its one place i need to escape from all my troubles..
It's Tekong.

Confinement week !

2009-09-25T10:08:00.003+08:00

I'm out during confinement week..

But jus for a while..

Jus got home to put my barang barangs..

Washing them now and hoepfully can get them blew dry within 1 hr..

Going for my medical review actually..

That's why i can book out..

Anyway..

Shouldn't be a problem lah..

Already chionging in camp now..

Jus finished 2 3km route marches this week..

Now i know how fucked i am..

Only gear-ed up with SOB..

Its alr fucking tiring..

Imagine field pack.

LOL..

My buddies in camp are really awesome ppl now..

Crap alot all the fucking time..

MORE PAIN AND JOY TO COME !!!

Your left, my left, our left right.

Jaguar !!

Left right,

Platoon 2 !!

Left right,

Warriors !!

Sometimes, i lay in my bed..

Brain is fucked,

Physically screwed,

Mentally tired..

But still thoughts of her never fails to not haunt..

The happy memories jus won't go away..

Took a peek into her blog and she seems so happy..

I'm jus glad wad happened happen..

First Book Out !

2009-09-20T02:13:00.002+08:00

First book out of my Tekong Life..

Had fun in camp..

And i'm glad that everyone in my section is nice..

Btw I'm in Jaguar Coy.

Plat 2 , sect 2.

Its gonna be the best platoon and Company again..

Training everyday..

A little tough but getting used to it..

Love the tan i'm getting from the sun there..

Oh a highlight..

I fired live-rounds at the shooting range..

Kinda cool stuff..

Aiming for top marksman..

Hopefully can get into OCS...

Jus returned from Des's chalet..

Damn shagged..

Heading to bed now..

Miss my bed and air-con so much...

Hahas..

Ciao !

Letting go..

2009-09-10T05:22:00.003+08:00

Hey people who acutally still reads my blog..

Its now open to all once again..

I'm sorry i had to shut it down for a period..

I had to..

And during the meantime,

I took time off anything else that keeps me busy..

And evaluated my life..

The purpose and goals of living in this damned world..

Life's not always a smoothe sailing..

Up and downs are compulsary..

From those, i'v learn how to treasure life..

Learn how to love my life..

And most importantly lead a life..

Which not only benefits myself..

But people whom cared for me or I cared for..

Letting Sand go..

Getting her to disappear from my mind..

It was tough..

Nothing is easy when love is involved..

Nothing..

I still dream about her every single night..

They were beautiful dreams..

But the truth is..

They are nightmares in disguise..

So why STILL suffer when i'm single now..

I'v alr suffered a hell lot when i was with her..

So since there's something in life which i'm not happy about..

GET RID OF IT I MUST..

Anyway..

It hurts so much more..

To remain as frens after a r/s...

Knowing that..

Deep inside your heart..

You still love her..

Yet she can't be yours..

And to watch her become other's..

It's like stabbing your heart a million times..

That pain was i guess, too much to take..

Rather be un-aquinted then fren..

So why do i wan her back as a fren now..

Contradicting ain't I..

I believe it's because i may have stopped loving her..

The same thing with norine..

But this time it was, jus I thought..

She used a fake bf to screw me over..

So now if I see that fuck face out there..

Dun think i'll ever forgets how he looks..

I'm gonna end his career..

I'm fucking gonna do him in..

Humiliating me on msn?

Who the fuck does he think he is to actually lecture me..

Opps..

OLD me coming back..

NAhhh...

Forget it..

I dun deal with childish people..

People who have nothing better to do..

Other then FUCK ard with other ppl's r/s..

And there's no such thing as "if only" after a break up..

Cuz normally couples would be like,

"If only u had been this, or that.. Things won't be like this."

Its totally nonsense..

If only can stretch back a long way to...

Before we even knew each other?

Or even to before we are born..

So if your ex tells you..

"If only you are..."

Cut her or him short and say fuck off..

That is the most appropriate thing to do..

Oh well.. Enough said..

I wish her the best for everything she does now..

The show is over..

I no longer need to act anymore..

Getting her to hate me for life..

And to pull the plug and cut off all ties..

It's all achieved..

I knew i won't be able to do it...

Knowing myself.. my capabilities..

There's NO WAY i can forget her on my own..

So resorting to hatred..

Its the only way..

I'm still glad things turned out this way..

She no longer needs to cry to sleep every night..

Which i dun even know how much truth there is in that..

Jus got home from Zouk..

Many bros ps-ed me..

But me, i'm never short of brothers..

Of cuz..

I had fun with the remaining ppl who came..

Thanks all for giving me this fantastic farewell..

Endding it with a loud bang !!

Sure u guys did...

Tmr is my last day in singapore..

Will be moving to tekong for 13 weeks..

Because i cbf to take NAFA..

I had to serve extra 4 weeks...

lol..

Anyway.. Jus some requests i have..

Nice bunkies...

And commanding officers pls..

Shi min

I hope by the time i get out of tekong..

You'll be a happy girl again..

All the best..

All my frens and relatives

I'll take care of my wound..

Dun worry..

I'll chiong all the way as promised..

And Dun worry..

NO Detention Barracks FOR ME AS WELL...

hahas..

Ciao~

2009-09-06T07:13:00.000+08:00

When guys are unhappy with their dating situation, it’s always because they’re letting women bring them down.Women can bring you down in a million ways if you let them, and when they bring you down, it feels like the whole world is crashing down on you. It’s the worst feeling in the world, and it’s one that you don’t need to experience. A woman can only bring you down if you let her! There is no one or anything in the world that can ruin your happiness if you don't let it. Choose to be happy on your own and live your own life. Women aren’t the purpose of life, the purpose of life is enjoying every moment you have in this world. If something’s in your life that doesn’t make you happy, you need to get rid of it! If girls are causing you stress and you’re miserable when you’re single, you need to figure out why you’re doing this.If you’re not having fun with gaming girls then you’re never going to reach your potential.When you wake up and dread having to talk to girls, take a step back and re-evaluate your reason for doing it. If you’re not having fun being single, you won’t be able to keep a girl once you get one. When you make getting girls the point of your life and stress about it all the time, you’ll scare off every woman with your desperation. Girls want a guy that’s fun and lives an entertaining life, if you need her more than she needs you; she’ll walk all over you and make you miserable. The only thing you can do is put yourself in position to meet women and put forth effort. You can’t control what any woman thinks about you, all you can control is yourself. Don’t let circumstances out of control make your life hell, take control of what you can and the rest will always work out! Be free from all the stress and hassle that guys put on themselves when it comes to dating and meeting women. Make the choice right now to enjoy yourself while you’re single and have a blast when you go out and game. If you don’t have a girl, so what?! You are still you and you still have your life.Don’t let any girl or the lack of one make you miserable, because wasted time of happiness is much worse than being single! Become free from the chains that you let women bound you in; when you lead your own life as a real man, quality women will follow.You should never try and keep a woman that doesn’t want to keep you. Don’t waste your time beating a dead horse, have enough respect for yourself that you are willing to walk away at any time and not lose a wink of sleep. If every guy followed this rule, they would all be a million times happier! Keeping women who have low interest in you is telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. Value yourself highly! You are the best, so you will not waste your time on someone who refuses to recognize your greatness. Cut her loose and find someone that appreciates you.This all stems from trying to make women fill a vacancy or hole in your life.You can’t forget about this girl or get rid of her, because even though she is putting you through hell, you will feel lost without a woman. Women are meant to add to your life, like salt to a dish of your favorite food. You can still enjoy your baked potato without salt, but if you try to eat a plate full of only salt, you’ll get sick! Women aren’t your life; they should just be another way in which you find pleasure and entertainment. Stop trying to find your sense of purpose from women, because it will never make you happy.If you are basing your identity as a man on the acceptance and approval of girls, then you have much bigger issues than picking-up chicks. Your validation as a person should come from inside. This is the biggerst cause of approach anxiety and nerves before a date. When you make the date so big in your mind and so important to you, you will never be able to relax and have a good time. As a result, your date won't be able to have a good time either. When you care so much about what girls think of you and how they view you, you’re building your happiness on a foundation of sand.When you find your happiness from who you are as a man, you build your happiness on a foundation that is absolutely unshakable. The harder you push for girls to approve of you and give you the feeling of being worthy, the more you chase them away. This only makes you seem needy, insecure, and weak. This is not a man.Be a true man and live your life on your own terms!

2009-09-05T18:50:00.003+08:00

Ben said i'm more or less getting intn his coy..

Well.. dunno how thing's gonna turn out..

But hopefully well..

6 more days..

Anyway..

Last night went out with seany boy..

Went to cine to catch Final Destination 4...

It was gross..

Seriously..

I was munching on my hot dog..

when that lady's head turned into Minced meat..

LOL..

3-D wasn't really a great experience after all..

The back of my ears hurt..

My eye's like gonna tear any moment..

So after the movie..

Went out for a spin in his ride..

Went ard changi's famous OCH...

there was only the 2 of us.

So we didn't want o go in explour on our own..

The feeling when passing by it was alr erie..

And when he shot up his high beam..

It was worst.

Could see the building's exterior and stuff..

Still horrible feeling..

Then drove back to his place and crash over..

Woke up the next morning..

Headed to town for a walk and little shopping..

Went to ION..

It's not that complicated a building though..

Its huge but could regconise the way everyone after walking 2 rounds..

Off the record..

Went we drove to the east from town..

I saw the signboard read "Bedok"

This word has been haunting me alot..

It reminds me of painful memories..

Very sweet but painful..

The way things ended and then got from bad to worst..

It was so bad to be reminded of..

And now someone whom i rmb once told me,

that staying low-profile is the thing..

Yet..

Zooomm..

Everywhere's pictures of her..

I MISS YOU.

This is so embarressing..

Holy Shitt..

Alright..

Last weekend outside..

Clubbing at Powerhouse tonight..

ciao...

2009-09-04T17:59:00.002+08:00

Sticking up the prawns..

Hahas..

Went prawning with conray..

Caught a total of 22 prawns each..

Was worth the money..

I mean the fun..

And BBQing was great..

The prawns tasted good..

But jus a little worried..

Was unsure if it maybe leave a scar permanently on my surgery wound..

7 Days to tekong..

I'm excited Baby..

I'm so gonna miss youu when i enlist..

2009-09-03T04:11:00.003+08:00

I'v decided wad's best for the both of us..

I had enough..

I'm done hurting her..

This is where it ends..

I'm closing down this blog..

The link of my previous blog is linked..

Those curious can go take a look..

It's not a beautiful a blog as it used to be..

But the memories are all there..

Every single one of them..

Good-bye..

2009-09-03T03:27:00.002+08:00

Great..

All she did was whine at me on the phone for less then 5mins..

And i gave in..

Totally..

Fuck..

WAD A PUSSY I AM !!!

Can't I get anything done right??

Fuck..!

Saying the truth about everything..

Saying them out loud and public..

Enables me to calm down..

he hatred disappeared for a second when she called..

And they evaporated totally when she spoke to me..

I melt at every single bit of non-hostile act she shows..

But hatred grows when that xl-ness of her's came back..

Forget it..

When i chose this path..

I knew exactly how things would turn out and I was right..

I regretted doing so many things but so wad..

So wad IF i regretted..

Its not gonna change anything..

Well..

If its not for the nights i spend time talking to a someone..

I won't have thought about her..

And maybe things wouldn't get out of hand..

Now she's whrecked..

Am i happy?

Nope..

Why not?

Cuz i still fucking love her

And now i'm hating myself for doing all those shit..

Well.. all i can say is sorry..

I know sorry won't help,

or do any good..

But still sorry..

2009-09-02T05:03:00.004+08:00

Why do i still love her?
Why do i still care wad she thinks?
Why??
If she can move on so easily..
Why can't I??
She's prolly alr gotten into another r/s..
And maybe she's out of it now..
I certainly hope my assumption is wrong..
But that's life..
People like that exist...
I'm really gonna say no to any r/s now..
Maybe a slight chance after NS...
I jus needa control myself...
Prevent myself from fallin for any girls now..
Cause i know right now..
It's not love..
It was so boring..
I hated doing things like going to her place..
Waste time in some pet shop..
I was so blinded...
All i hope for is jus pure innocent love..
Like when i was with Norine..
Oohh... days like those were hard to find anymore..
9 days of freedom !!!
Then it'll be hell..
I'm totally recovered from my surgery now..
I think i'm gonna ignore the light duties MC and go all out...
Gosh..
Anyway...
Shi Min !!!!
Self-control !!
You can do it..
I hope wad i told ya over the last 2 weeks help..
If ya need any shoulder..
Let me know..
I'll be there..
=D

2009-08-31T14:04:00.002+08:00

You make me wonder..

For whom ur post on the 26th Aug is for?

It did sounds like for me..

But again..

It sounds too polite to be for me..

2009-08-28T06:13:00.002+08:00

You made it too easy for me..

Please get smarter and cover up your tracks..

I needa forget about you..

Back to today..

Rested at home till evening..

Met up with Harris and had dinner at Botak Jone's..

Went to the tpy oulet..

That place reminded me of my ex..

I forgot which one..

Either Jy or Norine..

But fuck it..

Anyway...

The queue was so damn freaking long..

So harris and I had a bet..

If the last customer cleared the second table from the counter,

Of BJ of cuz, before anyone joins the queue,

I win and i get a treat from him..

Likewise if someone joined before the last customers gets pass the table,

He'll get a treat from me..

And of cuz I won..

It was a huge risk but the stakes were high..

So i took it..

And won..

Hahas.. Thnx for dinner buddy..

After that went to Sky gardens at one of the blks to slack..

Guan Kai came not long later..

Chatted for awhile..

Mainly Harris boasting bout his clubbing night ytd which i didn't went..

Since i am in the area,

Called Yiying to come slack with us..

She cabbed there from Muay thai training..

Fierce sia..

Went down to pay for her trip..

Lovely gal..

Haven seen her for a long time..

Tk came , then guan yu..

They were talking about some fight club stories,

which got me really excited..

Then it started to rain..

So sua tiu..

Cabbed home with Harris..

The others either walked or had rides..

I so wanna get my license..

Wonder which lucky girl will be the first i ever chauffer..

LOLS...

You'll fail your exams if you carry on playing..

Treating everything so lightly..

You definitely will..

I know you too well gal..

But up to you..

You wanna be a porn star in the future..

Go ahead..

It only shames your family name..

Not mine..

She's the one

2009-08-27T05:17:00.003+08:00

Yesterday didn't turn out as planned..

Was supposed to meet 3 girls,

but up end..

Only met Gina..

And coincidentally, Amelia..

Gina accompanied me for lunch after her paper..

Ate at sumo's..

Then decided to catch a movie at hub..

Treated her to the movie as a birthday gift..

But of cuz i'm saving the best gift till your party..

Which is me attending it !!! =D

So after movie,

Met up with Wh and ate dinner...

Then slacked awhile..

Wk jio-ed me for clubbing..

But i'm alr out of the clubbing phase..

Then much later Harris jio-ed too...

Which i gladly turned down as well..

Wad's the point of drowning yourself in music and a sea of girls..

As long as i'm in the sad zone,

I'll never get well..

Things will never go smoothly..

But i jus can't forget about her..

I got to admit..

I'm missing her so bad everyday..

Even when i act normal,

I'm not..

I think about her all the time..

Even dreamt about her all the time..

But i understood that she hates me for life..

Cuz the things i did were beyond hurtful for a girl to take..

I kept finding excuses..

Denying, Lying, Self-Defending...

But the real reason behind all is...

I dun wanna lose her...

You know wad??

The worst thing about loving you, Sandrina...

Is watching you love someone else...

And the moment you said you had a boyfriend...

I lost it...

Insanity took over me...

I couldn't control the hatred..

I'm sorry....

Arg !!!!!!!

IT'S FUCKING KILLING ME !!!!!!

2009-08-26T14:03:00.003+08:00

She was jus so beautiful..

And so perfect..

Out-going and the cheerful type..

Exactly jus the piece of meat for me..

Lols..

Alright.. anyway..

Heading out for lunch with G..

Then accompanying S to get smth at serangoon..

Probably might get to meet "Lolz girl" later tonight..

I think Sam's coming back to Sg..

Its good to have a little bit of fun before NS starts..

Ciao..

2009-08-25T06:12:00.002+08:00

Out of random-ness..

I was brought back to the 10th of Jan '09..

The bus i was in jus pulled up at the bus stop,

in front of far east plaza..

There she stood...

Smiling like an angel..

As i got off the bus..

My gaze fell on her instantenously..

She was the prettiest thing i'v seen for a long time..

Those precious moment in scotts..

When she held my hand and signal me to follow..

For the first time..

In the train heading down to Novena to meet Johnathon..

We looked each other in the eyes..

Those were moments to treasure..

Those were memories to savour..

At the end..

We had a past..

At least I tried..

We both tried..

Things jus couldn't go our way..

We were jus not meant for each other..

We were jus not meant to be..

Its funny how fate made a fool out of us..

On second thoughts,

Its funny how fate brought us together..

2 people who have no way of knowing each other at all..

Met each other..

This is FATE..

Its wad you do today,

that makes tmr..

Its been maybe 2 months plus..

I still can't let go..

And the count is still on...

2009-08-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

So last night was slacking under blk with ken and 2 girls..

Then it rain-ed..

So decided to take shelter at the stairs as the rain was quite heavy and its slashing in..

Then somehow,

Went to my place to watch movies..

Ken slept on my couch..

The rest of us watched some horror shows..

Then they all fell asleep on the couch after chatting a little..

Next morning..

Woke up late..

Had lunch with Wh downstairs..

He came up to get some songs..

Played heads up poker..

Which was so lame..

Then he helped me count out my piggy bank..

That's even lamer..

It was a lame sunday...

Lost bettings on soccer..

LMao..

That pretty much sums up..

come on..

You said u moved on???

How is it possible if u'r still clinging onto the hatred..

2009-08-23T00:06:00.002+08:00

Another day spent at home..

Doctor's, parent's, relative's, brother's, friend's advice..

No one wants to come out and slack with me now..

All wants me to rest at home..

I know u guys care..

But i'm stronger then this yo'

One, 21 guns !!!

Lay down your arms, give up the fight..

Ain't this song rock !!??

Haix..

In the morning, Aunt came..

Bought me essience to help me recover faster..

Then afternoon Sheng called..

Said tonight brothers all gathering..

Going pub drink..

Wanted to go if not for my wound..

So didn't go..

Stayed at home..

Ken jus called..

Going down to slack with him for abit..

Oh yeah...

Haven smoked for like 5 days???

OMG !! 5 !!!!???

I'm still alive !!!

HAHAS !!!

Ciao !

2009-08-21T22:39:00.003+08:00

I miss her..

That sucks..

But i'v sworn that no matter,

in wad circumstances,

I will not ever msg her or call her again..

Its not easy but i'm done playing her game..

So wad if i still love her..

She made me make her hate me..

Now it'll definitely be someone else satisfying her needs from now on..

I should go look somewhere else too...

Staring too long at the closed door,

only make me not realise the number of open-ed doors there are around me..

2009-08-20T19:42:00.002+08:00

Hey ppl..

Jus came back from the hospital..

I was admitted o Tan Tock Seng Emergency ward on Tuesday..

When i woke up in the morning,

I thought nothing about the pain i alr had while still slping..

But it got worst as the hour goes by...

So i decided to tell my mum about it..

She then cabbed me to the 24hours clinic in bishan..

The doctor there gave me 2 injections and spoonful of syrup to drink..

Still the pain had not subside after 1 hour..

The doctor decided to send me to the hospital..

Cabbed down to the A&E...

Was wheel-ed into the waiting room while mum when to register..

Meanwhile some nurses asked me about the situation..

Which i repeated myself more then 20 times that day IN PAIN..

well.. wad to do..

So after that several doctors came to check on me..

and at the end of the day..

The diagnosis is i'v gotten appendicitises..

It is inflammation of the vermiform appendix..

When i asked the doctors wad are the possibilities i could have gotten it from,

the reply i got was so lame..

It wasn't at all scientific..

She merely jus said it depends on how heng or suay you are..

LOL??

Well..

My 2 days stay in the hospital was quite pleasant..

Although there was one person who really played me like a fool..

the rest of the ppl i informed were most caring and concern..

And from this incident..

i know who truely cares..

Oh yeah..

Before i checked out from the hospital today,

Suddenly rmb norine saying Cheryl Pan works in TTS..

So decided to give her a call..

And coincidentally..

She jus ended work..

So she came up to visit me with a drink..

How sweet..

Was glad she and leoga are still going strong !!

Good luck to you 2..

Waiting for the wedding invitations..

HAHAS..

and she talked some senses into me as well..

To her, It seems like i didn't change at all after norine..

HAHAS..

yeah.. you were right..

I was still the same guy...

Still haven matured one bit..

Anyway, told her my problems,

Catched up abit and she had to go alr..

So bid farewell..

For the past 2 days..

All i did was lie in bed all the time..

My mum brought me the book i was reading halfway and now i'm close to finishing it..

Also talked to ppl..

Esp Shi min..

We talked and joked about things even i was in such a weak condition..

Sometimes, when i lie there alone..

I would think about the happy memories i had with my ex..

Would normally get emotionall.

But then, after the way she treated me even i was ill and unwell..

I deemed her as heartless and a bitch i regretted even knowing..

I deeply regretted even fucking her at all..

Jus the thought of her name totally destroyed my mood...

"Do too much evil things that why i ended up here right?"

At least not as bad as the things u did..

Look where are you now??

At least i have a ****** who loves me and still supports me in wadever i do..

What about you??

Where's yours??

You were right..

When i really hate someone..

I can say the worst things about them..

It may not be true..

But they will always be the worst of the worst..

Anyway..

Going out to meet Jon and sarah now..

Was supposed to rest at home but so sick of lying in bed..

Alright..

Ciao.

Here a photo of my surgery wound..

2009-08-17T13:36:00.002+08:00

I'm missing her like mad..

She's probably trying very hard to hide that evil laughter seeing me in this state..

But oh well..

Whenever i felt emo,

I'll call ppl and talk..

And they always never fail to remind me of the reasons why i should jus walk away..

With so many better girls out there..

Girls that have a future..

I jus wad i'm feeling now is tempo..

It'll go away someday..

I just hope every tmr will be that day..

Alright forget it..

Whole morning dota with Ah Sheng..

Long time nvr see him le..

Last time i saw him was at Ah seng's wedding..

Where i saw my ex as well..

But she was fucking dao..

LOL..

Think pondering if i should go meet them later..

Going to pub..

Like abit waste of money leh..

Hmmm...

If i can get over norine..

How difficult would it be trying to forget girls that doesn't match up to her standards..

2009-08-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

This was a edited post..

I felt that my first draft was too much..

Too childish..

Too nonsencial..

And too insulting..

I jus wanna love her in silence now..

I'll end here..

Nights..

2009-08-16T14:05:00.002+08:00

Woke up this morning first thing thought of Shi min..

Last night we chatted for bout 4 hours..

Talking about almost everything about ourselves..

She asked alot regarding Jiayi,

my ex whom was her ex classmate..

The whole night was liven up by her and mine laughter..

It was great..

HAHAS..

Then called Wh and ask if he wanted to have lunch..

Took a shower after that..

The first thoughts that came to my mind

when the run shot out from the shower hose was,

"I'll rather give you up then give up my rabbit !"

I was thinking to myself, yeah..

She didn't even gave a shit about me..

Why still care so much about her??

Why waste my time on someone,

who is willing to give me up for a rabbit..

Anyway..

Got all my pay today,

The flyers, Ytd's job..

And an extra allowance from mum..

2009-08-16T00:33:00.002+08:00

Was working this whole day..

Yong seng's job intro..

Jio-ed Wh along..

Was at the padang the whole day..

Saw Conray..

Now i'm tanned..

But only my arms and face..

Wore jeans and it was bloody hot..

Anyway.. Started at 8am.. Ended ard 6pm..

Cabbed home with Wh..

Had dinner and then went up to his place for EPL 09/10's first game.

Which hull should have drawn with chelsea.

But wadever.. Heck it..

Betted heavily on one of the matches tonight..

Good luck to me.. Hahas..

I miss her..

But so wad?

So fucking wad??

I'm really a joke man..

Some of you might wanna take joke as a jerk..

I'm fine with it..

I so wanna call her..

so wanna hear her voice..

But time over and over again..

I'm reminded by the things she did..

And said..

And it was good enough to stop me from carrying on that mistake..

Now hoepfully..

I can get to meet some gal who respects her own body..

And most importantly,

Respect me as a bf..

Not as a standby only needed to dry those tears..

Or warm those cold legs..

Who says a better girl won't come along?

Who says??

The heart loves her, but the mind hates her..

2009-08-14T22:07:00.007+08:00

I spent 20hrs a day battling the devil of temptations..

The only time i'm not doing something stupid or silly is when i'm

sleeping..

I didn't expect this to bug me so much..

After all those previous r/s..

It's suppose to be so much easier..

But thoughts of those things..

Can't say wad..

If not sure receive msgs from that cb..

But those whom knew the whole picture..

U should know wad i'm refering to..

So wad if i haven seen it with my own eyes..

It doesn't mean it will not happen..

Or will happen..

But i'm quite sure it will..

So when u see 'em outside..

You know wad you are looking at..

It's more or less that..

Anyway..

Can't wait for NS..

Training every now and other day to get in shape..

It's lonely though..

Everyday doing the same things..

But i mean in the past..

Every friday and sat, I do lots of pumping..

So kinda used to doing them alr..

hahas..

Its the same for the past 6mths..

It's like a MUST-DO service..

Standard one..

HAHAS !!

Fcuk , that sounds so mean..

But well..

At least that's wad i think now..

There ain't a girl i hated this much..

She's really something to make me hate and dis-respect a girl so much..

Anyway..

WHY AM I STILL SAYING ALL THESE ALL THE TIME,

WHEN I STILL LOVE HER??

I DUN FEEL GOOD..

BUT YET AGAIN ON SECOND THOUGHTS,

I FEEL GOOD..

Arg !!

Wadever lah...

(I'm told to censored this line)*

That's so random !!!

My goodness !!!

Fcuk it man..

All i did everyday is think.. think.. think...

Cb..

Someday i'm gonna need specs for my brain..

Think too much alr..

Anyway..

Jo.. u not happy your problem lah..

leave me alone !!

Knn.. wad disturb you..

You are the one calling me every fucking day..

Slut !!!

Jus like her..

You all are jus sluts !!!

2009-08-14T09:23:00.002+08:00

Knowng that she is leading her life happily..

I dun feel abit happy at all..

It's not at all like wad i said before,

"If she is happy, i'll be happy.."

I realise i have been jealous, angry, envy of her..

Why is it that she is enjoying her life after the break up yet,

i'm not..

Is it becuz she commited lesser?

Or i over commited?

But no.. I THINK its becuz i made her hate me so much..

That it overcomes every single emotional feeling..

I tend to forget to love her infact..

So right now as i still remember her as the girl in my dreams..

I'll jus let her be..

I wan her to be happy..

I really do..

And i'm sure that we'll never get to talk..

Or see each other again..

Why would she wanna see me anyway..

I'm the biggest jerk in this world !!!!

Hitting the gym now..

I'm meeting [ ]...

Like finally !!!

2009-08-13T22:28:00.003+08:00

I'm lost for words..

After 6mths..

This is the end..

Like wtf..

We'v been thru so much..

And this is how we end up?

You running and hiding behind the screen..

Trying to convince me that its all my fault..

That you did nth wrong..

This is the last thing i needed..

To be wronged..

I did not spread things about u online..

It was a conversation between me and my frens..

Others overheard..

Its different from delibrately spreading rumours..

Its different..

I was pissed off to the max..

But i didn't take it out on you..

I tried to lose my cool behind your back..

I didn't wanna look like a pitiful idoit in front of you..

I hated you back then for being such a unloyal bitch..

But now.. today..

I hate you for fucking lying..

You think its fun??

I tried my best to come back..

And u got to destroy all the faith..

Fuck you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before u told me u had a bf..

We were still on talking terms..

We were still okay..

You still calls me on the phone..

There wasn't any hatred..

But u chose that path..

U created all the hatred between us...

U made me hate the girl i loved the most..

The one girl i thought of spending my life with..

You destroyed it all..

every single one bit of it...

But i'm glad.. You taught me values..

Morals..

You taught me how impt my family is to me..

You brought me back to reality..

You taught me how not to hurt my parents again..

How not to defy them..

And you yourself??

I can picture that priceless look on ur mum's face,

when she sees wad her precious has been doing out there..

I dun regret all these doings..

I hated you..

And it will go on..

Even if i see you on the streets..

You ain't worthy for my eyes for i never lay my eyes on

trash.

Better than me you deserve

2009-08-13T04:58:00.004+08:00

I think you could do better than me

After all the lies i made you believe

And guilt kicks in and i start to see

The edge of the bed where your nightgrown used to be

I told myself i won't miss you

But i remembered what it feels like beside you

I really miss you hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And i think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

While looking through your box of notes

I found pictures I took that you were looking for

If there's one memory i dun wanna lose

That time in the mall, you and me in the dressing room

I told myself i won't miss you
But i remembered what it feels like beside you

I really miss you hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed i'm lying in is getting colder

Wish i never would said it's over

And i can't pretend

I won't think about you when i'm older

'Caue we never really had out closure

This can't be the end

I really miss you hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

And i think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

And i think you should know this

11th Aug

2009-08-11T03:26:00.004+08:00

This is supposely the 7mths we knew each other..

Today marks the start of the 1 mth countdown to my enlistment..

It also marks the start of my new life..

Went out to meet Jon..

Acc-ed him to study at Macs..

A routine for us in the past when i was still in poly..

I brought a book along..

A fiction book written by Low Kay Hwa..

A true life story of a NYJC girl..

It was touching..

I had tears in my eyes as i was reading into the final chapter of the book..

Anyway.. I jus wanted to start over again..

I knew my mistakes..

I knew my short-comings.

I knew i had to change..

I knew it all..

But i jus could not execute it..

I took out all the things and gifts she bought for me..

The everlast top and the shirt she got me from taiwan..

The lollipops which i haven eaten..

The 2 bottles of perfume, Ferrari and BurBerry..

I took them out of my house..

And place them into the small thingy my grandma uses to burn stuff..

And i lit them on fire...

Purfume contains alcohol..

So it was not hard to get the fire started

And in matter of mins..

They were all gone..

Burnt and destroyed..

Of cuz i had to throw the bottles away..

It was sad..

But i had to move on..

Jon was with me when i wished her as the clock struck 12.10am..

And the next advise he gave me was to delete every possible way of contacts.

I couldn't do it back then when we jus broke up..

But i figured i can't back out now..

So her numbers were erased, Msn deleted..

Deleted the short-cut link in my favourites to her blog..

The photos and stuff were all gone by now..

It's gym tmr at Warrens..

Jon claimed i slimmed down..

Yes..

I went from 83kg to 76kg...

Not much.. But a good start at least..

Without any exercise..

"Its not how the world looks at you..

Its how you look at the world.."

2009-08-10T16:20:00.002+08:00

Finally, i had the courage to take off my mask..

And be who i am..

All these while...

I'v been hiding the fact that i wan her back..

Instead, wad i have been doing is the opposite..

I was so sure back then we didn't hve any chances at all..

I was a fool..

I screwed things up..

Had i been a little patience..

Jus even a lil...

My heart hurts so bad even as i'm typing this..

I'm telling everyone i dun wan you back..

I'm over you..

Yet.. i'm far from it..

I'v been doing things out of rage..

I didn't thought of the consequences..

I am a fickle-minded bastard..

Cheryl, you were right..

And i can understand why u left..

It's okay.. i dun hate you..

I'm glad we are still frens..

Infact we are like better frens..

Jus a lil below best frens.. Right?

you are the only ex whom i still keep contact with..

Honoured?? =D

Anyway, i miss those times we went

swimming,

mahjong (rmb at dason's house),

k-box,

movies,

Pooling,

and dota !!! (Yes we had alot of fun dota-ing tgt didn't we??)

Argg.. good old days..

It was after you that i met Sand..

I really wish i have someone here to jus dry my tears for me..

This past month has been the hardest period i'v ever been thru..

"This could be the end of everything..

I wish we could jus go to somewhere only we know.."

Sorry.. got distracted by the song..

Arg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-09T09:17:00.002+08:00

Wad a BORING saturday..

Had lunch with Wh at the prata store near home..

Then slacked for abit b4 going home..

Dota-ed the whole day practically..

Took a nap ard evening..

Woke up and mum was back with dinner..

Ate and dota-ed more..

Then talked to Shi Min abit..

I'm starting to like this gal more and more..

HAhas..

OKay..

Dun so hong...

I'm not like somebody..

K lah.. going to bed now..

Sunday.. Wad am i gonna do??

Oh Oh !!!

I'm so into Iron maiden..

and Rush...

Their songs are damn nice..

Maybe heading out to HMV to get their posters and album..

Cheers!

2009-08-08T09:37:00.002+08:00

Haix..

How can i not care anymore?

I am jus hurting myself..

She dun won't even appreciate it..

Its the thoughts that counts bros...

But so wad?

She hates me to the core and its pretty much a dead end trail i'm walking..

I jus hope my exercise routine for aug can kill me..

Exhaust me so badly that all i wanna do is rest at home and do nth everyday..

Will be heading to the gyms and pool and parks starting from monday..

Under supervision from a personal coach..

Hopefully can get over PTP and go to BMT..

My pay from that company is still not in yet !!!

Still got S$750 !!!

God damn it !!

you were my everything

2009-08-07T14:56:00.003+08:00

This post is for that very special someone..
I think u know who u are..
I'm sorry i blamed everything on u..
As if it was your fault that things turned out this way..
As i was back tracking my steps..
I realised..
I was the cause of all trouble..
Firstly.. I did not trust u..
I tried and did invaded into your privacy..
I gave you no space to breathe..
Took away your freedom to do things u enjoy..
You knew that i didn't like certain things and you stayed away from doing them..
You were the most understanding gf i ever had..
But abit materialistic of cuz..
But those are dreams of yours and its nothing wrong to have dreams..
But dun ask for things cuz they will come to you in forms of surprise..
I regretted letting you go..
When u told me u wanted to break up with me..
I was playing poker..
And i had a potential winning hand..
therefore i chased you away by agreeing..
It was a bloody big mistake..
For jus a couple of dollars and entertainment..
I paid a great price..
Losing you..
I finally understood everything..
Its not where i pick up girls..
Its not how i manage to date them..
Its not their background..
The problem lies with me..
I dun trust any of them at all..
And therefore i dun deserve to be in anymore r/s..
Cuz all i'll do is cause more pain..
I jus want to say ...
It's all my fault baby..
It's all mine...
you are close to perfect as a gf..
Wadever u said and did after the break up..
It's logical cuz i was still being persistant..
Bugging you daily..
But when u were my gf..
U did a damn good job..
I love you and i thank you for loving me once..

.
.

~Our very first photo~

Work !!

2009-08-07T00:57:00.003+08:00

Today's post is a lil much earlier then the rest cuz i'm heading to bed soon..

Anyway, the feeling of not sleeping for more then 24hours really sux..

Jus got off the phone with Mei at 10pm..

Slept till now which is 1am..

3hours ONLY !!!!

Wtf !!

But i feel fresh alr..

But of cuz still need more rest cuz i'm starting work early tmr..

Jus giving out flyers and stuff..

Anyway..

The whole day's mood was spoilt by that bitch..

Went dinner with Alan , jac and their frens..

Alan and Jac were so pissed off that they jus told me to stay in hub and find another gal and start anew..

No point thinking about that kind of girl who doesn't even have a heart at all..

And everyone kept telling me i should have known that this was gonna happen since day 1 when i met her..

Becuz we dated on the first day of meeting !!!

How fucking retarded !!!

So alan was replying my msgs for me..

At least a few..

And ard 9 plus i went home..

Was supposed to acc mei home..

But then i rmbed i had work the next day and needed the rest super badly..

Then that bitch kept all those threats and bullshit nonsense coming..

Wadever lah fuck..

Jus go and last long with your baby lah..

Lan jiao..

My problem wan care so much..

Oh yeah.. the only thing i rmb b4 falling asleep was mei yelling at me..

She desperately wans me to wake up and...

Stop missing her..

Thinking bout her..

And talking to her...

Which i pretty much will...

But she claims i always "kou shi xin fei"..

I really wanna do it..

That bitch is driving me nuts..

ARRRGGGGG !!!

Anyway... Fuck it..

Her life is hers to lead..

And be it pathetic or exciting..

Its all her fucking problem..

Nothing to do will me anymore..

Now thinking back at those memories..

It makes me sick to the gut..

Happy memories kept coming back..

But jus picturing her true colours when she was back then..

I can really start puking..

How naive was I to actually have loved her..

HOW NAIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-06T06:35:00.002+08:00

life's jus so boring...
I miss her all the time.. sad to say..

i mean how could u jus forget someone u loved so easily..

But obvious gals can..

they dun lack suitors..

And any guys with a sweet tongue can jus hook them up easily..
Even better if the girl jus broke up..

Cuz she needs someone there for her..
to comfort her..

to lend a shoulder..

and the guy will be more then happy to if his after her..

Wad's with the MJ music..

Fucking irritating..

Hear them on the radio everyday this time..

Anyway.. fuck it..

I dun even know why i brought this up..

It's jus hard i guess..

It wasn't as simple as it seems..

Anyway.. 3 more years and i'll be out of the country..

Here's a picture of the sunrise i get to see every morning..

Isn't it the prettiest thing u ever seen from nature??

Poker night

2009-08-05T15:21:00.002+08:00

Hey ppl..

Jus came back from intense poker session..

From 12am till now..

Which is about 15hrs plus..

Lost $50 in the end..

Like wtf..

Was winning so much earlier on..

Anyway, tuesday night , dota-ed with ben, nick and alex..

Mum sent me over to Josh's for a get-together..

We watched a movie on poker..

And how ppl play and stuff..

A live story..

So after that..

Ate Macs, and started playing..

Anyway...

The conversation i had with mum on the way to Josh's was the highlight..

I told her about my plans after NS..

And she was very positive about letting me go to the states to study uni..

it'll cost ard S$150k for 4years..

It's alot of money..

And i really can't afford to screw up cuz they will be selling my condo to afford my sch fees..

I'm really super touched..

And the other reason is my sis is studying in SMU now..

And her fees were not cheap even after govt subcidies..

About $10k per year..

And of cuz i dun wanna lose out to my sis in terms of studies..

Although i know my standard is way behind her..

But i'm not jealous..

I'm jus happy to have her as my sister..

And i love her alot. =)

Anyway, eating my lunch now..

Haven slept at all..

Maybe after watching a movie or 2 then i'l head to bed..

Hope i can wake up in time for training tonight..

Intended to meet mei..

But then i told her had training so had to arrange another day..

It's been so long since i last saw her..

And that last time was at bedok when i was with " you know who"...

Miss her so badly..

Okay lah..

Post again.

Cya ppl..

2009-08-04T04:54:00.003+08:00

Love is not everything..

Your individual self is..

During this 1month plus after the break up..

I'v indugled in watching movies..

Love stories, comdies, horrors and action movies..

Of these.. I got inspired by quite a few movies..

Life is a journey, a story..

And most stories get a happy ending..

And my story, i get to decide the ending..

So no.. Of cuz i wan a happy ending as well..

So at this age..

I can't be blinded by love..

Jus not yet..

There's so many things to be done..

So many places to explour..

So many advantages ahead in wait...

And i dun wanna end up a loser..

So first, i got to change my attitude..

Be it towards family, frens or my lover..

The attitudes i had were all wrong..

And i need to make adjustments..

And i will..

Finally, i'v straighten out..

No gal of mine now is ever more important then myself..

I'v hurt myself bad enough..

and if i continue..

I'll only end up having to recover from relationships again..

It's jus a waste of time..

So before i get my adjustments made..

I'm staying out of the danger zones..

I'm jus gonna live my life right..

And be as knowledgable as i ever be..

That is supposely how i wan my life to be..

So no more silly thoughts and harassations..

(If that is even a word).

Alright..

I'm gonna cook myself some food..

Getting a lil hungry now..

Oh yeah..

My circle of frens are expending like mad now..

Rather cool..

As the saying goes..

"When one door closes...

We tend to look too closely at the closed one

and yet not discover the open door

that's waiting for us.."

It's time i consider my options..

And walk thru that open door..

2009-08-04T01:37:00.002+08:00

I was so naive...

I thought laying low..

Stopping all the desperate measures...

You'll see a change..

But as days goes by..

They turn into false hopes..

I was dump enough to believe that you actually believe in love..

I'v tried to hold back myself..

Tried to be nice..

Send a msg or 2 once in a blue moon..

But all i got back was negativity..

It's like we had never had anything going b4..

I screwed up after the plug was pulled..

I should have been patience and waited..

But the thought of losing you was so bad..

And therefore i'v did things and lost you forever..

Even when i conceed to losing you alr..

You didn't gave me a chance to change..

I dun even know, frankly speaking why we ended up like this..

Alright maybe i know, but jus that??

Argg....

Why am i still here talking bout these...

There's so many other better girls out there..

Wife material..

And yet i'm still broading over the gf-material..

You wan me to lay off you..

Whose laying off me then?

Thoughts of us everywhere appear all the time..

I can't even step into my room without thinking,

wad has happened in this room b4..

I can't even do anything at all..

So u got ur revenge..

Are you happy?

Stastified??

Many doubted me if i really got over ya..

I doubt myself at times too..

ARR... FCUK ITTTTTT....

Jus go do wadever you wan..

I won't bother you anymore..

you'v been living in a lie..

And wad's the point of cont missing you..

Your love is jus a lie..

Jus like you are...

You wanna be with some fucked up model go ahead..

You wanna sell yur body..

Fcuking go ahead..

2009-08-03T03:12:00.004+08:00

wads the point of holding on when all you do is hurt the love.

love is not stubbornly holding on and making her unhappy when she's with you,

and even when she's not with you.

if you love her, let her be happy.

-karen-

Well.. After today..

I realised i had so many frens that i'v lost touch with,

yet they still cared for me..

Asking me how is everything and stuff..

So the whole day i'v been jus telling my stories to so many ppl..

And they all gave me the same reaction..

Which was pretty shit..

But well... It's all the past..

And guys !!!

I am really alright..

I'm not emo..

No.. no.. not for this girl.

Nvr anymore..

Hahas..

Alright.. SOMETIMES..

maybe a lil..

But other then that.. I'm good..

Was thinking of getting a chalet before i get enlisted..

Then was jus thinking of who to invite..

Ahhh..

I know..

I'll invite all my ex(s)...

LOL.. that's a joke..

I can't be serious man..

Dun wan 'em to spoil the night..

So ppl.. If u get an invitation..

Means u meant alot to me alright?

Cheers !!

Sat night.

2009-08-02T09:46:00.003+08:00

Hey ppl..

I jus got home after spending a very different Sat night out..

Well.. Practically i woke up at several timings..

Due to the headaches i'm getting from the hangover..

So woke up at 7pm eventually..

Went to meet Harris for dinner...

Ate at Sumo...

Then went to hub for a stroll..

As usual.. talked bout my problem...

But i am letting it go now..

Yourself before others..

1 very good advise i got from brother ben..

Erm, so after that we decided to head to novena for lanning..

Guan Kai and guan yu came an hour later to join us..

Dota-ed whole night with them and Jon Chua..

Then left about 4am..

Didn't wanna waste money on cabs..

So we walked from novena to toa payoh..

Took us about 45mins..

Had breakfast at Braddell Macs...

Still was feeling abit emotional..

But really did alot of thinking and I jus have to let it go..

I really wanna start over again..

But because i can't control myself..

It's like wad's done cannot be undone..

I dun expect her to come back anymore..

I dun expect anything from her..

I jus wan her to be happy with her bf..

And i hope he will keep to his word and bring her happiness..

Anyway.. From toa payoh..

We walked back to AMK..

It was really tiring..

And while walking home,

I ran into wawa..

So we had a little chat session at my blk void deck.

It was an eye opener..

Didn't realise so many things have been happening..

Went back ard 9am..

Jus came out from shower..

Gonna have my rest now..

SH, i'm sorry if i'v done anything to spoil our frenship..

I should not have revealed anything at all..

I'm sorry..

Still frens right?

My lolz gal ! =D

2009-08-01T04:37:00.003+08:00

Last night was fun..
A boring to the core night turned to a fun filled one..
With jus 3 othr frens..
Sitting at the void deck..
Drinking vodka..
Well.. at first it was only me and harris..
We were at 353..
Drinking and smoking and chatting..
Then this burma drunkard came over and talk shit to us..
Well.. he took our drinks and smokes,
But that's not the worst..
His pathetic european fianace came over..
Smashes all our drinks and anything on the table..
And then kpkb at him..
asking him wtf is he hanging out with 2 fucking strangers..
So we got hot alr..
Harris went over and had a heated argement with that bitch..
Which led to calling in of the police..
5 came in 2 cars..
And after we explained ourselves.
the police told us they could't do anything about it..
And we had to take it to the courts if we wanted to sue her or smth like that..
Which we can't be fucked..
So nvrmind after that we shifted to my blk..
Then wen hui and JH came over..
And we drank more, smoke, played tai di, played 5-10.
And the drinks went up super quickly...
So did me and harris...
We went completely wasted..
Enough strength to walk home though..
And apparently, i rmb msging her..
But didn't realise the content was so insulting till when i saw her reply..
LOL.. my goodness..
But i thought wad i sent her made sense..
It happened to me, it's always gonna happen on someone else again..
Feeling fucking aweful now as i am typing this post..
Heads spinning a lil..
Gonna get somemore sleep now...
Ciaoz..

Helpless

2009-07-31T18:57:00.002+08:00

I had my previous post removed..

Thinking that its abit to immature..

and its humiliating for her..

I dun wanna do that cuz i won't gain anything...

anyway...

I dunno wad to feel...

Being in this boat for so many times..

Karen dear was right...

I never once had any clean breaks with any of my exs..

I have to let go of this one..

She feels me up with anger..

Showing me things i dun wanna see..

But i should think straight..

I'm happy she's found someone so soon..

She's no longer mine..

I am not suppose to feel anything..

Not suppose to even know wad's going on with her..

Ryan.. you can do it.. come on...

It's jus another ordinary girl you'v got to let go..

She dun love u at all now...

She's going ga-ga all over her new toy...

So jus forget it.. Okay?

I should really have patience..

It would be different then...

2009-07-31T10:41:00.007+08:00

One advise that i gave ppl is that whenever u get into a relationship.. Always prepare for it to end.. Cuz sooner or later it will.. And when it ends.. No matter whose at fault... If you really love that person u jus broke up with.. Do not.. I repeat.. do not play mind games.. Love, relationship.. Its not a game.. Its the real thing people.. We all have feelings because we are human beings.. And those who inflict pain, hurt, misery, sufferings to you.. They dun love you.. Because if you mean so much to them, they'll nvr make u cry.. Take our parents for example.. Do we do things to hurt our parents? We nvr because they are the ones we truely love.. So until when u found someone who can treat u like family.. The rest ain't deserve any bit of tears.. They are jus not worthy to waste your time on..

Back to that advise.. I nvr once took it seriously even though its so true.. Because i was so sure that my r/s won't fall apart.. And that i have done everything possible to hold it together.. I was wrong.. I thought i'v did it right.. but that's wad i thought only.. As a matter of fact.. I only inflict pain to those with me.. I become over possessive, over-protective, over reacts to every small things... Only cared about my own feelings.. None ever about theirs... like for sandrina.. I thought i loved her.. I thought i missed her.. That's wad i thought... Thinking carefully again, i dun... i dun need her at all.. i jus miss all the crazy sex... that's wad i miss about her.. cuz that's the only memory i had of us... It was so wrong to say that i wan her back because i love her.. But i did tried to treat her as family.. but her nature of being a flirt is the reason i decided to ruin us.. Like wad she said to me.. A leopard doesn't changes it's spots.. When i first knew her, we had heavy flirting sessions everyday... It was different for me.. And because of her looks, i decided i wanna get tgt with her.. But then as i knew her for a period of time, i came to realise that we can nvr be tgt forever.. It was only 3 mths into the r/s when i said that to myself.. And ever since we didn't love each other or rather, i didn't love her as much as i used to.. Karen once told me, if at the start she did that to me... Wad makes me think that she won't do it to someone else ?? I jus always keep getting the girls at the wrong place.. How i knew sandrina.. Frenster.. My goodness.. How could i trust a social network to get a girl? And we got tgt only after knowing each other less then 2 weeks and on the first day we met up.. That was ridiculars.. My boys were right.. These are jus stupid road side love stories.. they nvr stand a chance to become fairy tales... All i wanna say is i need someone to be in my life that's all ... That's real selfish.. I know.. that's why i intentionally blew up my chances with all the girls i was flirting with right now.. I'm sorry.. i jus hope non of u girls are reading this.. I dun wanna get ito a r/s for the wrong reasons or at the wrong place anymore.. Everyday lying in bed.. It only made me think about all the sex going on.. And therefore that triggered the wanna get her back feeling... The videos , i guess i should really delete them.. No point watching it again.. And i was sorry i threaten ya with the vids which i should never have.. It was so stupid, a childish mindset... And "if you love her , let her go" that was the stupidest thing i ever heard.. If u really love someone.. You should be taking up lessons on how to treasure her instead.. If you asked me had i really love a girl b4, the ans is yes.. And no one else but her, Norine. It was the only non-sexual r/s that i had.. and everything we had back then was so pure, was so real... 2 years we held on.. That's something i'll nvr forget.. Other then that, i can simply tell u the rest of my r/s were smogged by all the sexual and intimacy going on..

Now i dun have anything else in mind.. All i wan and all i need now.. is not a gal.. but jus a break... because, i'm really enjoying my life now... although at times i jus cried so badly wanting her to come back.. but wad's the point, firstly she won't come back cuz she's attached yet again, not surprisingly.. secondly, i dun love her anymore.. it's jus the sex... Thirdly, I'm not good enough for her, to satisfy her needs, as in money issues, control issues, freedom issues.. i didn't wan her to fucking take lingerie shoots.. Cuz those jobs are for pathetic ppl.. and why are they asked to be models? its because they are cheap, as in the pricing.. as photographers can't afford professional models.. That's why they are used.. To me.. its simply selling ur body to earn a living.. And anyone who has something to comment bout this feel free to come to me.. I love to only talk.. Nothing else.. so jus feel free to come and talk to me... Okay.. enough reasons.. The point is... i enjoy my life now.. so i dun see a point whyi need her back.. Like everyone is saying, there's so many girls out there.. why bother about a old used shoe.. I should be feeling sorry for her man.. jus imagine how many more bf's she's gonna have and how many diff guys she'll be slping with..
Am i getting a little personal here? think i am.. Opps.. But i'm not sorry even if i am...

Okay.. can't wait for NS to come any sooner.. Getting my body tuned into shape is my priority.. And after NS, i definitely will be going overseas.. Where ever i'm going is fine.. as long as i'm gone from this place.. Going back to america is wad i really wan to.. But it means starting all over again.. And i'm not sure if i could handle that... Well.. Jus let's say get over with NS first.. Oh yeah... One more impt thing i got to do before i get out of NS is to get my license.. Right now.. I jus wanna enjoy my 1 mth hoilday before NS life.. I hope no one will get pissed with this post of mine.. Well, even if u get pissed off.. I can't really do anything about it.. Cuz its all the truth.. And people love truths don't they? =)

wth !?

2009-07-30T20:53:00.002+08:00

Baby...

Can u stop all these nonsense ??

i admit i'm nvr gonna give up..

i'm going down fighting..

i dun care if there's anyon else u got out there...

I dun care... at all...

You hear me??

I'm wad u need and i will be...

wadever i need to be..

jus to be wif ya...

I can't slp each night not knowing that are safe..

And its killing me not to know wad's going on in ur life..

and not being able to take care or concern..

So jus TAKE THAT love..

from me..

please gal..

Cuz i...

need time...

to change and during this time i alr had...

2009-07-30T08:16:00.002+08:00

Just have a little patience

I'm still hurting from a love I lost

I'm feeling your frustration

Any minute all the pain will stop.

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight

Don't be too hard on my emotions.

[Chorus:]

'Cause I

Need time

My heart is numb, has no feeling

So while I'm still healing

Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again

I know you wanna be my salvation

The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong

Believe me

I'm trying to move on

It's complicated but understand me.

[Chorus]

'Cause the scars run so deep

It's been hard but I have to believe

Just have a little patience [x2]

[Chorus]

Have a little patience

My heart is numb, has no feeling

So while I’m still healing

Just try and have a little patience.

It's super nice..

Super suitable for her...

Hmmm...

Alright..

Going to bed now..

Ciaoz..

It's time.

2009-07-29T04:12:00.004+08:00

wad happened tonight was quite awkward..

I'v nvr been placed in the situation where i need to face my ex's current..

In the past.. i would so love to punch them..

Really jus get a good beating..

But now..

Starting to use that old rusty brain abit more le..

Wad's the point?

Hahas..

It'll only grow more hatred..

And i'm alr past the point of all those childish fighting crap..

The era of making money has begun..

So back to tonight,

After that weird and pointless conversation on msn...

I went down and brain-stormed for quite abit..

Talked to Sarah..

And the conclusion we had was the same..

We of cuz laughed it off..

But wad if we are wrong?

Well.. i dun really care..

it doesn't really matter anymore..

Okay lah..

I think gotta have some rest..

nIghtz ppl..

ciao..

P.S I love you

2009-07-28T18:13:00.002+08:00

jus woke up from the bombation calls by jon and sarah..

Wah lao.. my beauty sleep..

was dreaming though...

and it was quite a dream..

a very useful reminder..

that i should walk away...

its like i see her all the time in the dream,

with the same guy everywhere,

assuming its her boy,

so why torture myself?

hahas..

anyway, took a shower..

it was soooo good... =D

Now got to hurry finish my food then rush down to jon's place..

and find them slack?

lame lor..

okay anyway...

gtg...

ciaos..

2009-07-27T20:23:00.002+08:00

i'v found enough reasons to let go..

Emotionally it's hard..

but logically everyone in my shoe,

will jus let it go..

She is a must to let go..

She'll only bring more pain..

Now it's clear to me that i dun even wan her as a fren anymore..

Her doings and choice of words really blew me off...

I dun think there's any point..

Leopards dun change their spots..

Yes..

but whose the leopard we are talking about?

Things i'v found out...

Its jus super..

You dun need someone to love u...

U jus need attention..

and whom-ever its coming from..

U dun care..

u jus go...

and then i get the honour to hear u compare...

yES.. i got kicked ot from poly..

Yes.. i wasn't as hard working..

Yes.. i dun treat my family well..

yes i suck at being a bf...

It's all true..

So why pull the plug after 6mths?

Oh god.. this is killing..

Nvm... even with tears,

i will move on..

No matter how unwilling my legs wanna move..

no matter how heavy the heart is..

no matter how much i love you..

i jus wanna forget u..

And this is the last time u ppl gonna see me rant bout this..

Anyway..

This morning was really fucked up..

That's all i could say...

Doing things i didn't wan to..

saying things i dun mean..

But the only truth account that happened this morning,

was the sending her to sch part..

that was really wad i wanted to do willingly..

and i did..

the journey was unpleasant..

it was shit..

but i still took time to take a good look at her before disappearing from her life..

SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL...

although many disagree..

well.. wad can i say...

so.. after that.. 10am i was.. at tamp alone..

without sleeping for 1 day...

yet wasn't feeling tired at all until i reach my cousin's place..

i love you cousin.. really thanks for all the senses u knocked into me..

her place was really nice..

i love her balcony the most..

it's like the only balcony in earth i would not mind living in..

hahas.. its totally the right place to sit down for drinks, smoke, play a little music..

and admire the view...

If u'r wondering where's this super nice condo..

its call the esta..

near katong..

so at her place..

ate curry and fried rice..

then chatted while eating..

told her bout the morning..

then she went off to study..

i hope i didn't disturb her at all..

which i think i did..

so sorry !!!!!

Anyway, slacked till ard 1..

went to aston's which is near katong mall..

cousin was relectant to let me smoke..

i know she meant well for me..

cuz we both had asthma..

so its bad for my health and she's sensitive to the smell..

so i did wad a good cousin would do..

after lunch , cabbed home...

Then found out internet was not working..

so went to bed, slpt like 4hrs and i'm up alr..

Anyway...

i jus hope things will work out for me and [ ]..

though nothing concrete started yet but the foundation i believe was laid nicely..

so hahas.. its all down to me now...

k lah.. gina's coming over to mine's now..

blog another day..

oh yeah.. 4 days of work starting on thursday..

ard 200 plus for jus a couple of hours each day..

good money.. why not..

last but not least...

I found a reason to hate u...

and the reason is u...

ciaoz.

2009-07-27T04:21:00.002+08:00

Another day went by jus like that..

Today.. It was poker at josh's place again..

Played from 7plus till 11..

Watched liverpool thrash singapore there as well...

Lost quite a bit today at poker..

alright nvm the amounts..

So after that went to newton circus with more ppl..

Had sting ray, kang kong and osyter egg..

PLus beer of cuz..

Chatted till about 3 plus then took a cab home..

God !!!

I miss her so much !!!

But wadever happens..

I got to let go..

I jus hope that NS life would change me...

Random-ness

2009-07-26T01:19:00.002+08:00

That second song in my playlist..

"Somewhere only we knew" by keane.

It was the last song played at phuture last night...

And when that song was played..

I tear-ed... It was so nice...

It was so emotional....

I jus love this song so much....

as much as i love her...

Okay today, Woke up ard 4plus..

Watched another movie..

12 ROUNDS by john cena..

Then went out with gary and his ns frens for dinner..

Ate at sakura...

Was not exactly as nice as i thought it would be...

Then home was the last place of the night..

Surprisingly ryan ain't clubbing tonight !!!

He said no to nick and buddies to clubbing !!!

Anyway, so was at home on msn..

Chatted with dearest for awhile then she had to go sleep le..

Hey gal.. I appreciate wad u did for me k?

All these while u encouraged me..

Whenever i fell, u were there to help me up...

Helping me go thru everything..

Really dunno wad i'll be without u..

LOvee you dearest sis !! =D *hugs*

and i'm sorry..

can't tell u that secret..

Cuz if i were to tell u..

I will lose someone so dear to me...

I can't afford that to happen..

So it shall remain a secret forever..

k lah.. lastly..

JOHNATHON TIAN !!! u might not see this but !!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY...

This year.. u will archieve so much more compared to last year...

You will soar the sky like an eagle...

Conqure the oceans like the dolphines..

Roam the lands like lamboghinis...

HAHAS...

take care bro !!!

Zouk~

2009-07-25T09:52:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps, jus got home from a long night..
hahas.. alright..
Let's see wad happened last night...
Left home at ard 7pm,
went to hub to meet gina..
The plan was that she acc me for dinner before i head off to zouk,
But my boys were at a bbq party..
So decided to kill some time with gina since it's been awhile since we last met,
So went to watch this movie "Murderer"..
Gina bumped into her sec sch fren and so we decided to watch it tgt..
The show was really erm.. Bloodthrob..
It was very bloody and very amazingly filmed..
Arron kwok was the main and half way thru we all thought he was the one..
Ends up, he wasn't but still he had to bear the consequnces for crimes he didn't commit..
Anyway, after the movie..
Went to S11 for dinner..
Along dinner, we chatted alot of stuff and it was quite a good feeling to savour..
Then had to go off..
So train-ed to town and cabbed to zouk..
Met mel, and she intro-ed a few other frens to me..
One of them happenly is paul 2hill..
My latest new celeb fren..
He's a nice guy after all..
hahas.. after all the talking and stuff..
got to know him better..
Same poly we went to, same area we stayed at..
So went to velvert with them first..
Then the boys came and the party begins at phuture..
The night was amazing..
There so many hot chicks..
Hahas... And bump into few church ppl whom i did not expect to see..
I was like wtf are u doing here? cell?? lols..
Anyway.. after clubbing..
went to josh's for poker..
And lost $19 bucks.. lols..
It was totally not my night..
Anyway, jus bus-ed home..
Dun intend to take any rest cuz in a few mins time i'll be leaving for soccer..
Pretty hardcore eh?
Yeah i admit..
Hahas..
Sometimes, u jus got to tired urself out...
I was talking about me..
After wad i was made to go thru for the past 2 weeks..
It's still bothering me alot..
Really.. Even when i was jus lost in the music at the dance floor..
She would always out of the blue came into my mind...
And many ppl gave me the credit for even pulling thru it..
ppl like alex, gina, nick, josh is one mf who told me jus to fuck care gals..
LOL.. advise from a 17yr old.. oh.. he jus turned 18.. lol... sry bro..
anyway.. to love someone is to let her go right..
I was smart enough to realise now that was i did to try to get her back,
was totally stupid..
it jus showed my immaturity and childishness..
And wad sean said did make sense..
Realy wanna thank the dude for talking me out of doing more stupid things..
Things so stupid that only RYAN ANG would do for a girl..
Alright.. maybe i should jus lie down and rest my body..
all the dancing really take the youth out of me man..
LOL,, wad am i saying.. I'm still a youth for god sake..
Alright.. to end this post...

It's not i'm not willing to...
I jus did not get the chance cuz u had to head home everytime i went to pick u up...
Oh boy.. can't believe we'r still here...

Some photos from club night !

Kel and me.

Josh, Alex, Me ( i look like shyt), Ben.

josh and me at the counter

Heart talk

2009-07-24T19:04:00.000+08:00

Took 1hr of today's time,

Talked to buddy boy for an hour,

and his right, we'v ben thru alot of shit..

so this can't jus bring me down..

cuz i'm stronger then this..

We both are...

They are jus gals..

They'll nvr understand wad its like to be us guys..

Feeling the heat all the time...

Well.. i can say it's true that we enjoy happiness only after sadness..

It's always been that way..

Bros before whores !!!

And gal.. it's gonna apply in ur case..

no matter which guy u dated..

Anyway, heading out for poker now...

See no reason to stop since i got this far..

plus i'm free to do wadever..

so i'll jus be it..

Clubbing night tonight.. =)

hopefully ur papi here will get laid tonigth..

hahas..

alright !

ciaoz !

Single-hood~

2009-07-24T02:21:00.001+08:00

Life's tough..
I admit...

With or without her..

There are certainly pros and cons on both side..

If i were to weight them..

Emotionally, i would gain more with her around..

I mean which guy won't..
Financially, i would say staying single..

Cuz for the past 2 weeks of stayin single..

I spent within the minimium...

And saved a hell lot..

So now ask me if i regretted this situation..

I would say no..

Cuz ur status of wealth always stays with you..

Instead, your current lover whom out of calculation...

Is 90% bound to leave u before you guys even are close to talking about marriage..

And all i can say about me and sandrina is there..

We are , 2 different ppl with

Different life styles,

Diff concept for life,

Diff mindset,

Diff goals in life...

We used to love each other alot...

Until the day i screwed everything up with my big mouth..

But i'm still unsure if the word "screwed" is appropriate..

Cuz though my life sucks now...
It's always the beginning of something new..

And working towards that,

I believe it's only a matter of time before someone else comes along..

I'm not the sort who is popular with gals,

Cuz i dun wanna be the type which attracts the opposite sex once i'm single..

Anyway.. I still love her alot..
But due to the post break up period,

Due to the things i'v said..

It jus ended all the chances,

All the hopes...

So instead of hanging on to nothing,

Why not go all out once again and find happiness..

But wad if the so call happiness now that i found..

Is only a "spare-tyre" ??

Like a subsitution ??

Of cuz i won't wan that...
Cuz well... as far as i know..

She alr had a bf..

So like jus weeks only...

And she's alr that far...

Shows alot regarding her credibility and loyality doesn't it??

Well.. I jus wish i dun find someone like that again...

But still... I wish her all the best...

After all, she gave me one of my best period in life,

And wake up calls at random times when i drift away from reality..

Alright.. Enjoy the songs ppl..

I'm going in on the Sept 11 '09..

So.. If ya wanna like hang out b4 i get in,

jus buzz me..

I'm 24hrs/daily available..

And rich enough to go anywhere and do anything...

No longer got to pay for doubles..

Its a relief...

I really like this photo, even now...

;)

2009-07-22T05:50:00.000+08:00

Today was special..

Why?

Cuz it's my mum's birthday !!

So dad brought us to have dinner at the marina bay golf club..

The view from the cafeteria was amazing..

You can see the new casino hotel , the ferries wheel..

And the whole of suntec business area..

As night came, the ferries were lid up and the beautiful colours jus made the night even sweeter..

Dinner was good..

Salad, Corn soup, Tauhu goreng, fried rice, and rounding off with a mug of cold tiger beer..

Sis had dory fish and trust me..

It tasted so good...

Then we had the cake and candle blowing session..

Was too full to finish the cake so gave mine to mum as a present..

Hahas.. talking bout presents..

I'm really an asshole...

I didn't even realise it was mum's birthday today until she told me..

I had plans alr.. so quickly i cancelled all of them..

I swear i'll take time to walk ard and shop for a present for mum..

I jus wanna tell her I love her so much...

Where i am today and who i am..

Its all her credit..

Anyway after dinner with family...

Went to meet [ ] in town...

walked ard the new mall ION...

It was big and smells new..

Hahas.. Soon after wanted to go meet sniff.. S

Sam's cus... But he was at his frens..

So after sending [ ] home, took a cab home...

She stays near marine parade so i had the crazy idea of ...

Well.. going to chai chee dr..

But decided it was a bad idea..

So eventually went home...

Then did the usual,

Poker on facebook with josh,

Dota, Watched another couple of love stories..

Well.. i was glad we talked today..

Even for jus those 7mins..

But so wad...

She is so determined like norine and jiayi..

So i guess its no point pushing anymore...

And i knew things would escalate to this...

Well.. I'm having a bad sore throat now,

hurts alot while smoking,

had a fever and flu as well..

Wad is wrong..

How come keep falling sick these few days...

Anyway.. P !!

It was a pleasure knowing u.. =D

I was glad jon asked me to go for that survey thingy..

Hahas..

Really helped me a big step forward and away from...

WadeveR..

HAHAS !!!

Club !

2009-07-19T17:50:00.001+08:00

Social house was nice..

As a matter of fact,

Its better then zouk in terms of the club setting..

But there' a few things that its fucked up for..

U got to queue a non-moving queue jus to get tickets...

It could be a wait up to hours..

And worst.. to re-enter,

You got to queue as well !!!

Anyway, while waiting at the bridge outside the club,

the boys were drinking and having all sorts of fun...

Many gal frens came by and there's this gal..

Nick's neightbour..

she wore a dress so short that her panties would be exposed even jus bending down a little..

And the best part of the night was, She was exposed by on of her fren..

Her guy fren practically jus came behind her and life up her tight dress..

and she was butt naked for like a couple of seconds...

Showing off her red hot sexy G-string..

OMG !!!

That was like..

In the middle of the bridge where so many clubbers were hanging out.

LOL

This one gal is a must know..

HAHAS..

anyway, social is spacious.

Didn't really enjoy clubbing there..

Went home like ard 3 plus 4...

Oh.. before social house at clark quay,

Went to zouk with them as well the day before..

Was boring as well.. Zzz..

2009-07-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

you'r trying hard not to show it,

but baby, i know it...

you lost that lovin feeling..

and now its gone..

Instead of u, me.

2009-07-16T04:06:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving things to fate now...

Wadever the outcome,

I'll take it..

Confession

2009-07-14T19:33:00.000+08:00

I told a lie...

Yet another day..

2009-07-14T03:00:00.000+08:00

Here i am once again,
Up and awake alone at home,
Enjoying every single moment of silence..
Every single bit of peace...
But deep down the heart aches...
For the touch of love to fall upon..
You cared...
But you are afraid of getting hurt...
Thus leaving me torn and tattered..
.
Anyway, met up Gina and Jon today...
Had dinner at sumo with her first..
Slacked awhile at hub..
Then went to meet Jon near his place..
We were jus talking and its been awhile man...
Everything is good with everyone..
Going to sch, doing their projects...
I'm really glad for them...
.
私はたくさん逃す,

私の唯一無二である ,
私は愛する。
Sandrina.

Dead End

2009-07-13T07:59:00.000+08:00

There's no way back..

I'm done everything i shouldn't have..

There's no more reasons to hold you back..

And lie to myself that i still stand a chance..

Been thru too much since 16...

At 20... Things will never be the same...

I'm starting over..

A love so strong,

So hard to forget,

So much missed...

Is true love...

And there's why the pain is so intense...

Cuz its real,

It's true..

Which girl that i went into a r/s with did i not put my whole heart into...

Probably that's why i end up so hurt...

Its time to stop..

And move on alone...

It's too late to apologise..

I know it is...

25mins

2009-07-12T06:43:00.001+08:00

I guess i'm more then 25mins too late..

Starting over is a better choice after all..

Gal i miss you so much..

I should let you go if i love you..

And i did so i guess that's it..

Goodbye...

"Some where we went wrong,

we were once so strong,

our love is like a song,

you can't forget it.."

I love you . (L)

The 6th...

2009-07-10T04:54:00.001+08:00

With some extra-ordinary skills, i managed to screw up my blog settings..

Resulting in the creation of this new blog..

This ain't exactly a new blog, it's one of the few blogs which i created years ago...

Back to my life, it's abit distorted now...

Looking back, wad have i archived?

Dropped out of sch, got a job that pays well but lost it,

Got a wonderful gf but she had enough and went away,

Wad else, ahh.. got a letter that says...

"WE'LL SEE YA IN TEKONG ASSHOLE !!!"

It's happening on the 11th sept..

Yup.. the day planes went on a crashing spree at the WWC in the U.S

Enough of these bullshit.. Back to my movies...

Love ya ppl.. But more importantly..

I love myself more !!!

Life is short~

2008-03-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

Life is short.. The journey of life may seems long.. but its short.. indeed.. i realised this the hard way.. Well its still early for me.. I'm only 19.. Wad can u expect from me.. Immaturity has been tagging along with me for the past 18yrs.. Now at 19, finally setting my sights far.. I'v lost a battle.. Looking at my sister, i could only cover my face in shame and ponder on why i didn't treassure the opportunities presented to me.. Looking at how much fun and enjoyment she is having now.. Looking at desmond, whose currently in taiwan doing attachment in a local Uni.. Looking into the mirror.. I see a loser.. A loser with no itergrity.. No future.. No hope.. No way out of this shity life.. Wasted 19 yrs already.. I can't go on like this forever.. I needa be somebody.. I needa be something.. I needa to sercure a future for myself.. waking up from the "sian tian hou ku" life... It has not only gotten me nowhere.. But also screwed up my life.. Secondary skol screwed up.. Poly, on the verge of repeating history.. Do i wan to see that happen? dO I have the ability to change my fate.. Do i? It all lies with GOD now.. My life is in ur hands.. I wanna be successful.. but staying here in this tiny room , saying wanting to be successful dun get u nowhere.. U got to prove it with actions.. Haix.. Encouraging myself seems jus a excuse to make myself feel better.. Fcuk it.. Alirght.. now's the holidays.. Results will be out in 8 day's time... And i'll be gone in 9.. Hope i can really enjoy my trip this time round.. No bad results to haunt me everynight.. No tots of her to emo myself.. Jus me jon chua.. Sounds gay though.. But his my bestest fren.. I thank god for him.. =) My life has been going up and down.. Its time for one way traffic.. Which way it will be.. Will be my call.. I dun wanna disappoint my parents, my frens and those who hv been out there lending me a helping hand.. Now.. I jus wanna play hard.. studying will come.. when skol restarts in less then 7weeks time.. Bowling is wad i wanna concentrate on.. I wanna bowl my way out of failures.. Bowl for success.. Hopefully i can win something at warrens( the club i bowl for)... This yr.. we started strongly.. Though i haven got a chance to bowl yet.. Was suppose to be bowling the week after next. but going to hk and taiwan means my turn to bowl will have to wait... Its alright.. We got 9 points of out 10 in two fixtures.. That is a awesome result for us.. And the thing is our strong bowlers haven even bowled yet.. Indeed the young ones have surprised us all by storming to the peak of the pack.. Well done guys.. Bowling is my passion.. I love it more then anything else.. Well.. There's someone still i love more then bowling.. bUt it doesn't matter anymore i think.. She's given up on me totally.. It kills to admit that truth but it has happened and its happening rite now.. Obviously she's choosen him over me.. Well.. I can take it to the chin.. No problem.. Starting of another new chapter follows the ending on one... In this new chapt.. i wish for only satisfaction and happiness.. And of cuz.. Best if i could meet someone who really suits me... Oh yeah.. I jus bought a new bowling ball !!! Prime Zone !!! Costed me about S$330.. And tried it out during training today.. Reaction was strong at the back.. Something i needed for a long time.. Hahahas... The finger holes are abit too tight though.. Injured my fingers... =( Gonna get it changed tml at CSC bukit batok.. Hmmm... Alright !!! Write till here.. Erm.. Appreciates it if u tag if u have been to my blog.. =) tHe music is abit emo.. but i like it.. Cuz its so me.. Hahas.. Alright.. ciAo..