Helpless

I had my previous post removed..

Thinking that its abit to immature..

and its humiliating for her..

I dun wanna do that cuz i won't gain anything...

anyway...

I dunno wad to feel...

Being in this boat for so many times..

Karen dear was right...

I never once had any clean breaks with any of my exs..

I have to let go of this one..

She feels me up with anger..

Showing me things i dun wanna see..

But i should think straight..

I'm happy she's found someone so soon..

She's no longer mine..

I am not suppose to feel anything..

Not suppose to even know wad's going on with her..

Ryan.. you can do it.. come on...

It's jus another ordinary girl you'v got to let go..

She dun love u at all now...

She's going ga-ga all over her new toy...

So jus forget it.. Okay?

I should really have patience..

It would be different then...

One advise that i gave ppl is that whenever u get into a relationship.. Always prepare for it to end.. Cuz sooner or later it will.. And when it ends.. No matter whose at fault... If you really love that person u jus broke up with.. Do not.. I repeat.. do not play mind games.. Love, relationship.. Its not a game.. Its the real thing people.. We all have feelings because we are human beings.. And those who inflict pain, hurt, misery, sufferings to you.. They dun love you.. Because if you mean so much to them, they'll nvr make u cry.. Take our parents for example.. Do we do things to hurt our parents? We nvr because they are the ones we truely love.. So until when u found someone who can treat u like family.. The rest ain't deserve any bit of tears.. They are jus not worthy to waste your time on..

Back to that advise.. I nvr once took it seriously even though its so true.. Because i was so sure that my r/s won't fall apart.. And that i have done everything possible to hold it together.. I was wrong.. I thought i'v did it right.. but that's wad i thought only.. As a matter of fact.. I only inflict pain to those with me.. I become over possessive, over-protective, over reacts to every small things... Only cared about my own feelings.. None ever about theirs... like for sandrina.. I thought i loved her.. I thought i missed her.. That's wad i thought... Thinking carefully again, i dun... i dun need her at all.. i jus miss all the crazy sex... that's wad i miss about her.. cuz that's the only memory i had of us... It was so wrong to say that i wan her back because i love her.. But i did tried to treat her as family.. but her nature of being a flirt is the reason i decided to ruin us.. Like wad she said to me.. A leopard doesn't changes it's spots.. When i first knew her, we had heavy flirting sessions everyday... It was different for me.. And because of her looks, i decided i wanna get tgt with her.. But then as i knew her for a period of time, i came to realise that we can nvr be tgt forever.. It was only 3 mths into the r/s when i said that to myself.. And ever since we didn't love each other or rather, i didn't love her as much as i used to.. Karen once told me, if at the start she did that to me... Wad makes me think that she won't do it to someone else ?? I jus always keep getting the girls at the wrong place.. How i knew sandrina.. Frenster.. My goodness.. How could i trust a social network to get a girl? And we got tgt only after knowing each other less then 2 weeks and on the first day we met up.. That was ridiculars.. My boys were right.. These are jus stupid road side love stories.. they nvr stand a chance to become fairy tales... All i wanna say is i need someone to be in my life that's all ... That's real selfish.. I know.. that's why i intentionally blew up my chances with all the girls i was flirting with right now.. I'm sorry.. i jus hope non of u girls are reading this.. I dun wanna get ito a r/s for the wrong reasons or at the wrong place anymore.. Everyday lying in bed.. It only made me think about all the sex going on.. And therefore that triggered the wanna get her back feeling... The videos , i guess i should really delete them.. No point watching it again.. And i was sorry i threaten ya with the vids which i should never have.. It was so stupid, a childish mindset... And "if you love her , let her go" that was the stupidest thing i ever heard.. If u really love someone.. You should be taking up lessons on how to treasure her instead.. If you asked me had i really love a girl b4, the ans is yes.. And no one else but her, Norine. It was the only non-sexual r/s that i had.. and everything we had back then was so pure, was so real... 2 years we held on.. That's something i'll nvr forget.. Other then that, i can simply tell u the rest of my r/s were smogged by all the sexual and intimacy going on..

Now i dun have anything else in mind.. All i wan and all i need now.. is not a gal.. but jus a break... because, i'm really enjoying my life now... although at times i jus cried so badly wanting her to come back.. but wad's the point, firstly she won't come back cuz she's attached yet again, not surprisingly.. secondly, i dun love her anymore.. it's jus the sex... Thirdly, I'm not good enough for her, to satisfy her needs, as in money issues, control issues, freedom issues.. i didn't wan her to fucking take lingerie shoots.. Cuz those jobs are for pathetic ppl.. and why are they asked to be models? its because they are cheap, as in the pricing.. as photographers can't afford professional models.. That's why they are used.. To me.. its simply selling ur body to earn a living.. And anyone who has something to comment bout this feel free to come to me.. I love to only talk.. Nothing else.. so jus feel free to come and talk to me... Okay.. enough reasons.. The point is... i enjoy my life now.. so i dun see a point whyi need her back.. Like everyone is saying, there's so many girls out there.. why bother about a old used shoe.. I should be feeling sorry for her man.. jus imagine how many more bf's she's gonna have and how many diff guys she'll be slping with..
Am i getting a little personal here? think i am.. Opps.. But i'm not sorry even if i am...

Okay.. can't wait for NS to come any sooner.. Getting my body tuned into shape is my priority.. And after NS, i definitely will be going overseas.. Where ever i'm going is fine.. as long as i'm gone from this place.. Going back to america is wad i really wan to.. But it means starting all over again.. And i'm not sure if i could handle that... Well.. Jus let's say get over with NS first.. Oh yeah... One more impt thing i got to do before i get out of NS is to get my license.. Right now.. I jus wanna enjoy my 1 mth hoilday before NS life.. I hope no one will get pissed with this post of mine.. Well, even if u get pissed off.. I can't really do anything about it.. Cuz its all the truth.. And people love truths don't they? =)

wth !?

Baby...

Can u stop all these nonsense ??

i admit i'm nvr gonna give up..

i'm going down fighting..

i dun care if there's anyon else u got out there...

I dun care... at all...

You hear me??

I'm wad u need and i will be...

wadever i need to be..

jus to be wif ya...

I can't slp each night not knowing that are safe..

And its killing me not to know wad's going on in ur life..

and not being able to take care or concern..

So jus TAKE THAT love..

from me..

please gal..

Cuz i...

need time...

to change and during this time i alr had...

Just have a little patience

I'm still hurting from a love I lost

I'm feeling your frustration

Any minute all the pain will stop.

Just hold me close inside your arms tonight

Don't be too hard on my emotions.

[Chorus:]

'Cause I

Need time

My heart is numb, has no feeling

So while I'm still healing

Just try and have a little patience.

I really wanna start over again

I know you wanna be my salvation

The one that I can always depend.

I'll try to be strong

Believe me

I'm trying to move on

It's complicated but understand me.

[Chorus]

'Cause the scars run so deep

It's been hard but I have to believe

Just have a little patience [x2]

[Chorus]

Have a little patience

My heart is numb, has no feeling

So while I’m still healing

Just try and have a little patience.

It's super nice..

Super suitable for her...

Hmmm...

Alright..

Going to bed now..

Ciaoz..

It's time.

wad happened tonight was quite awkward..

I'v nvr been placed in the situation where i need to face my ex's current..

In the past.. i would so love to punch them..

Really jus get a good beating..

But now..

Starting to use that old rusty brain abit more le..

Wad's the point?

Hahas..

It'll only grow more hatred..

And i'm alr past the point of all those childish fighting crap..

The era of making money has begun..

So back to tonight,

After that weird and pointless conversation on msn...

I went down and brain-stormed for quite abit..

Talked to Sarah..

And the conclusion we had was the same..

We of cuz laughed it off..

But wad if we are wrong?

Well.. i dun really care..

it doesn't really matter anymore..

Okay lah..

I think gotta have some rest..

nIghtz ppl..

ciao..

P.S I love you

jus woke up from the bombation calls by jon and sarah..

Wah lao.. my beauty sleep..

was dreaming though...

and it was quite a dream..

a very useful reminder..

that i should walk away...

its like i see her all the time in the dream,

with the same guy everywhere,

assuming its her boy,

so why torture myself?

hahas..

anyway, took a shower..

it was soooo good... =D

Now got to hurry finish my food then rush down to jon's place..

and find them slack?

lame lor..

okay anyway...

gtg...

ciaos..

i'v found enough reasons to let go..

Emotionally it's hard..

but logically everyone in my shoe,

will jus let it go..

She is a must to let go..

She'll only bring more pain..

Now it's clear to me that i dun even wan her as a fren anymore..

Her doings and choice of words really blew me off...

I dun think there's any point..

Leopards dun change their spots..

Yes..

but whose the leopard we are talking about?

Things i'v found out...

Its jus super..

You dun need someone to love u...

U jus need attention..

and whom-ever its coming from..

U dun care..

u jus go...

and then i get the honour to hear u compare...

yES.. i got kicked ot from poly..

Yes.. i wasn't as hard working..

Yes.. i dun treat my family well..

yes i suck at being a bf...

It's all true..

So why pull the plug after 6mths?

Oh god.. this is killing..

Nvm... even with tears,

i will move on..

No matter how unwilling my legs wanna move..

no matter how heavy the heart is..

no matter how much i love you..

i jus wanna forget u..

And this is the last time u ppl gonna see me rant bout this..

Anyway..

This morning was really fucked up..

That's all i could say...

Doing things i didn't wan to..

saying things i dun mean..

But the only truth account that happened this morning,

was the sending her to sch part..

that was really wad i wanted to do willingly..

and i did..

the journey was unpleasant..

it was shit..

but i still took time to take a good look at her before disappearing from her life..

SHE WAS SO BEAUTIFUL...

although many disagree..

well.. wad can i say...

so.. after that.. 10am i was.. at tamp alone..

without sleeping for 1 day...

yet wasn't feeling tired at all until i reach my cousin's place..

i love you cousin.. really thanks for all the senses u knocked into me..

her place was really nice..

i love her balcony the most..

it's like the only balcony in earth i would not mind living in..

hahas.. its totally the right place to sit down for drinks, smoke, play a little music..

and admire the view...

If u'r wondering where's this super nice condo..

its call the esta..

near katong..

so at her place..

ate curry and fried rice..

then chatted while eating..

told her bout the morning..

then she went off to study..

i hope i didn't disturb her at all..

which i think i did..

so sorry !!!!!

Anyway, slacked till ard 1..

went to aston's which is near katong mall..

cousin was relectant to let me smoke..

i know she meant well for me..

cuz we both had asthma..

so its bad for my health and she's sensitive to the smell..

so i did wad a good cousin would do..

after lunch , cabbed home...

Then found out internet was not working..

so went to bed, slpt like 4hrs and i'm up alr..

Anyway...

i jus hope things will work out for me and [ ]..

though nothing concrete started yet but the foundation i believe was laid nicely..

so hahas.. its all down to me now...

k lah.. gina's coming over to mine's now..

blog another day..

oh yeah.. 4 days of work starting on thursday..

ard 200 plus for jus a couple of hours each day..

good money.. why not..

last but not least...

I found a reason to hate u...

and the reason is u...

ciaoz.

Another day went by jus like that..

Today.. It was poker at josh's place again..

Played from 7plus till 11..

Watched liverpool thrash singapore there as well...

Lost quite a bit today at poker..

alright nvm the amounts..

So after that went to newton circus with more ppl..

Had sting ray, kang kong and osyter egg..

PLus beer of cuz..

Chatted till about 3 plus then took a cab home..

God !!!

I miss her so much !!!

But wadever happens..

I got to let go..

I jus hope that NS life would change me...

Random-ness

That second song in my playlist..

"Somewhere only we knew" by keane.

It was the last song played at phuture last night...

And when that song was played..

I tear-ed... It was so nice...

It was so emotional....

I jus love this song so much....

as much as i love her...

Okay today, Woke up ard 4plus..

Watched another movie..

12 ROUNDS by john cena..

Then went out with gary and his ns frens for dinner..

Ate at sakura...

Was not exactly as nice as i thought it would be...

Then home was the last place of the night..

Surprisingly ryan ain't clubbing tonight !!!

He said no to nick and buddies to clubbing !!!

Anyway, so was at home on msn..

Chatted with dearest for awhile then she had to go sleep le..

Hey gal.. I appreciate wad u did for me k?

All these while u encouraged me..

Whenever i fell, u were there to help me up...

Helping me go thru everything..

Really dunno wad i'll be without u..

LOvee you dearest sis !! =D *hugs*

and i'm sorry..

can't tell u that secret..

Cuz if i were to tell u..

I will lose someone so dear to me...

I can't afford that to happen..

So it shall remain a secret forever..

=D

k lah.. lastly..

JOHNATHON TIAN !!! u might not see this but !!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY...

This year.. u will archieve so much more compared to last year...

You will soar the sky like an eagle...

Conqure the oceans like the dolphines..

Roam the lands like lamboghinis...

HAHAS...

take care bro !!!

Zouk~

Hey peeps, jus got home from a long night..
hahas.. alright..
Let's see wad happened last night...
Left home at ard 7pm,
went to hub to meet gina..
The plan was that she acc me for dinner before i head off to zouk,
But my boys were at a bbq party..
So decided to kill some time with gina since it's been awhile since we last met,
So went to watch this movie "Murderer"..
Gina bumped into her sec sch fren and so we decided to watch it tgt..
The show was really erm.. Bloodthrob..
It was very bloody and very amazingly filmed..
Arron kwok was the main and half way thru we all thought he was the one..
Ends up, he wasn't but still he had to bear the consequnces for crimes he didn't commit..
Anyway, after the movie..
Went to S11 for dinner..
Along dinner, we chatted alot of stuff and it was quite a good feeling to savour..
Then had to go off..
So train-ed to town and cabbed to zouk..
Met mel, and she intro-ed a few other frens to me..
One of them happenly is paul 2hill..
My latest new celeb fren..
He's a nice guy after all..
hahas.. after all the talking and stuff..
got to know him better..
Same poly we went to, same area we stayed at..
So went to velvert with them first..
Then the boys came and the party begins at phuture..
The night was amazing..
There so many hot chicks..
Hahas... And bump into few church ppl whom i did not expect to see..
I was like wtf are u doing here? cell?? lols..
Anyway.. after clubbing..
went to josh's for poker..
And lost $19 bucks.. lols..
It was totally not my night..
Anyway, jus bus-ed home..
Dun intend to take any rest cuz in a few mins time i'll be leaving for soccer..
Pretty hardcore eh?
Yeah i admit..
Hahas..
Sometimes, u jus got to tired urself out...
I was talking about me..
After wad i was made to go thru for the past 2 weeks..
It's still bothering me alot..
Really.. Even when i was jus lost in the music at the dance floor..
She would always out of the blue came into my mind...
And many ppl gave me the credit for even pulling thru it..
ppl like alex, gina, nick, josh is one mf who told me jus to fuck care gals..
LOL.. advise from a 17yr old.. oh.. he jus turned 18.. lol... sry bro..
anyway.. to love someone is to let her go right..
I was smart enough to realise now that was i did to try to get her back,
was totally stupid..
it jus showed my immaturity and childishness..
And wad sean said did make sense..
Realy wanna thank the dude for talking me out of doing more stupid things..
Things so stupid that only RYAN ANG would do for a girl..
Alright.. maybe i should jus lie down and rest my body..
all the dancing really take the youth out of me man..
LOL,, wad am i saying.. I'm still a youth for god sake..
Alright.. to end this post...

It's not i'm not willing to...
I jus did not get the chance cuz u had to head home everytime i went to pick u up...
Oh boy.. can't believe we'r still here...

Some photos from club night !

Kel and me.

Josh, Alex, Me ( i look like shyt), Ben.

josh and me at the counter

Heart talk

Took 1hr of today's time,

Talked to buddy boy for an hour,

and his right, we'v ben thru alot of shit..

so this can't jus bring me down..

cuz i'm stronger then this..

We both are...

They are jus gals..

They'll nvr understand wad its like to be us guys..

Feeling the heat all the time...

Well.. i can say it's true that we enjoy happiness only after sadness..

It's always been that way..

Bros before whores !!!

And gal.. it's gonna apply in ur case..

no matter which guy u dated..

Anyway, heading out for poker now...

See no reason to stop since i got this far..

plus i'm free to do wadever..

so i'll jus be it..

Clubbing night tonight.. =)

hopefully ur papi here will get laid tonigth..

hahas..

alright !

ciaoz !

Single-hood~

Life's tough..
I admit...

With or without her..

There are certainly pros and cons on both side..

If i were to weight them..

Emotionally, i would gain more with her around..

I mean which guy won't..
Financially, i would say staying single..

Cuz for the past 2 weeks of stayin single..

I spent within the minimium...

And saved a hell lot..

So now ask me if i regretted this situation..

I would say no..

Cuz ur status of wealth always stays with you..

Instead, your current lover whom out of calculation...

Is 90% bound to leave u before you guys even are close to talking about marriage..

And all i can say about me and sandrina is there..

We are , 2 different ppl with

Different life styles,

Diff concept for life,

Diff mindset,

Diff goals in life...

We used to love each other alot...

Until the day i screwed everything up with my big mouth..

But i'm still unsure if the word "screwed" is appropriate..

Cuz though my life sucks now...
It's always the beginning of something new..

And working towards that,

I believe it's only a matter of time before someone else comes along..

I'm not the sort who is popular with gals,

Cuz i dun wanna be the type which attracts the opposite sex once i'm single..

Anyway.. I still love her alot..
But due to the post break up period,

Due to the things i'v said..

It jus ended all the chances,

All the hopes...

So instead of hanging on to nothing,

Why not go all out once again and find happiness..

But wad if the so call happiness now that i found..

Is only a "spare-tyre" ??

Like a subsitution ??

Of cuz i won't wan that...
Cuz well... as far as i know..

She alr had a bf..

So like jus weeks only...

And she's alr that far...

Shows alot regarding her credibility and loyality doesn't it??

Well.. I jus wish i dun find someone like that again...

But still... I wish her all the best...

After all, she gave me one of my best period in life,

And wake up calls at random times when i drift away from reality..

Alright.. Enjoy the songs ppl..

I'm going in on the Sept 11 '09..

So.. If ya wanna like hang out b4 i get in,

jus buzz me..

I'm 24hrs/daily available..

And rich enough to go anywhere and do anything...

No longer got to pay for doubles..

Its a relief...

I really like this photo, even now...

;)

Today was special..

Why?

Cuz it's my mum's birthday !!

So dad brought us to have dinner at the marina bay golf club..

The view from the cafeteria was amazing..

You can see the new casino hotel , the ferries wheel..

And the whole of suntec business area..

As night came, the ferries were lid up and the beautiful colours jus made the night even sweeter..

Dinner was good..

Salad, Corn soup, Tauhu goreng, fried rice, and rounding off with a mug of cold tiger beer..

Sis had dory fish and trust me..

It tasted so good...

Then we had the cake and candle blowing session..

Was too full to finish the cake so gave mine to mum as a present..

Hahas.. talking bout presents..

I'm really an asshole...

I didn't even realise it was mum's birthday today until she told me..

I had plans alr.. so quickly i cancelled all of them..

I swear i'll take time to walk ard and shop for a present for mum..

I jus wanna tell her I love her so much...

Where i am today and who i am..

Its all her credit..

Anyway after dinner with family...

Went to meet [ ] in town...

walked ard the new mall ION...

It was big and smells new..

Hahas.. Soon after wanted to go meet sniff.. S

Sam's cus... But he was at his frens..

So after sending [ ] home, took a cab home...

She stays near marine parade so i had the crazy idea of ...

Well.. going to chai chee dr..

But decided it was a bad idea..

So eventually went home...

Then did the usual,

Poker on facebook with josh,

Dota, Watched another couple of love stories..

Well.. i was glad we talked today..

Even for jus those 7mins..

But so wad...

She is so determined like norine and jiayi..

So i guess its no point pushing anymore...

And i knew things would escalate to this...

Well.. I'm having a bad sore throat now,

hurts alot while smoking,

had a fever and flu as well..

Wad is wrong..

How come keep falling sick these few days...

=(

Anyway.. P !!

It was a pleasure knowing u.. =D

I was glad jon asked me to go for that survey thingy..

Hahas..

Really helped me a big step forward and away from...

WadeveR..

HAHAS !!!

Club !

Social house was nice..

As a matter of fact,

Its better then zouk in terms of the club setting..

But there' a few things that its fucked up for..

U got to queue a non-moving queue jus to get tickets...

It could be a wait up to hours..

And worst.. to re-enter,

You got to queue as well !!!

Anyway, while waiting at the bridge outside the club,

the boys were drinking and having all sorts of fun...

Many gal frens came by and there's this gal..

Nick's neightbour..

she wore a dress so short that her panties would be exposed even jus bending down a little..

And the best part of the night was, She was exposed by on of her fren..

Her guy fren practically jus came behind her and life up her tight dress..

and she was butt naked for like a couple of seconds...

Showing off her red hot sexy G-string..

OMG !!!

That was like..

In the middle of the bridge where so many clubbers were hanging out.

LOL

This one gal is a must know..

HAHAS..

anyway, social is spacious.

Didn't really enjoy clubbing there..

Went home like ard 3 plus 4...

Oh.. before social house at clark quay,

Went to zouk with them as well the day before..

Was boring as well.. Zzz..

you'r trying hard not to show it,

but baby, i know it...

you lost that lovin feeling..

and now its gone..

Instead of u, me.

I'm leaving things to fate now...

Wadever the outcome,

I'll take it..

Confession

I told a lie...

=(

Yet another day..

Here i am once again,
Up and awake alone at home,
Enjoying every single moment of silence..
Every single bit of peace...
But deep down the heart aches...
For the touch of love to fall upon..
You cared...
But you are afraid of getting hurt...
Thus leaving me torn and tattered..
.
Anyway, met up Gina and Jon today...
Had dinner at sumo with her first..
Slacked awhile at hub..
Then went to meet Jon near his place..
We were jus talking and its been awhile man...
Everything is good with everyone..
Going to sch, doing their projects...
I'm really glad for them...
.
私はたくさん逃す,

私の唯一無二である ,
私は愛する。
Sandrina.

Dead End

There's no way back..

I'm done everything i shouldn't have..

There's no more reasons to hold you back..

And lie to myself that i still stand a chance..

Been thru too much since 16...

At 20... Things will never be the same...

I'm starting over..

A love so strong,

So hard to forget,

So much missed...

Is true love...

And there's why the pain is so intense...

Cuz its real,

It's true..

Which girl that i went into a r/s with did i not put my whole heart into...

Probably that's why i end up so hurt...

Its time to stop..

And move on alone...

It's too late to apologise..

I know it is...

25mins

I guess i'm more then 25mins too late..

Starting over is a better choice after all..

Gal i miss you so much..

I should let you go if i love you..

And i did so i guess that's it..

Goodbye...

"Some where we went wrong,

we were once so strong,

our love is like a song,

you can't forget it.."

I love you . (L)

The 6th...

With some extra-ordinary skills, i managed to screw up my blog settings..

Resulting in the creation of this new blog..

This ain't exactly a new blog, it's one of the few blogs which i created years ago...

Back to my life, it's abit distorted now...

Looking back, wad have i archived?

Dropped out of sch, got a job that pays well but lost it,

Got a wonderful gf but she had enough and went away,

Wad else, ahh.. got a letter that says...

"WE'LL SEE YA IN TEKONG ASSHOLE !!!"

It's happening on the 11th sept..

Yup.. the day planes went on a crashing spree at the WWC in the U.S

Enough of these bullshit.. Back to my movies...

Love ya ppl.. But more importantly..

I love myself more !!!