You make me wonder..

For whom ur post on the 26th Aug is for?

It did sounds like for me..

But again..

It sounds too polite to be for me..

You made it too easy for me..

Please get smarter and cover up your tracks..

I needa forget about you..

.

.

Back to today..

Rested at home till evening..

Met up with Harris and had dinner at Botak Jone's..

Went to the tpy oulet..

That place reminded me of my ex..

I forgot which one..

Either Jy or Norine..

But fuck it..

Anyway...

The queue was so damn freaking long..

So harris and I had a bet..

If the last customer cleared the second table from the counter,

Of BJ of cuz, before anyone joins the queue,

I win and i get a treat from him..

Likewise if someone joined before the last customers gets pass the table,

He'll get a treat from me..

And of cuz I won..

It was a huge risk but the stakes were high..

So i took it..

And won..

Hahas.. Thnx for dinner buddy..

After that went to Sky gardens at one of the blks to slack..

Guan Kai came not long later..

Chatted for awhile..

Mainly Harris boasting bout his clubbing night ytd which i didn't went..

Since i am in the area,

Called Yiying to come slack with us..

She cabbed there from Muay thai training..

Fierce sia..

Went down to pay for her trip..

Lovely gal..

Haven seen her for a long time..

Tk came , then guan yu..

They were talking about some fight club stories,

which got me really excited..

Then it started to rain..

So sua tiu..

Cabbed home with Harris..

The others either walked or had rides..

I so wanna get my license..

Wonder which lucky girl will be the first i ever chauffer..

LOLS...

.

.

.

You'll fail your exams if you carry on playing..

Treating everything so lightly..

You definitely will..

I know you too well gal..

But up to you..

You wanna be a porn star in the future..

Go ahead..

It only shames your family name..

Not mine..

She's the one

Yesterday didn't turn out as planned..

Was supposed to meet 3 girls,

but up end..

Only met Gina..

And coincidentally, Amelia..

Gina accompanied me for lunch after her paper..

Ate at sumo's..

Then decided to catch a movie at hub..

Treated her to the movie as a birthday gift..

But of cuz i'm saving the best gift till your party..

Which is me attending it !!! =D

So after movie,

Met up with Wh and ate dinner...

Then slacked awhile..

Wk jio-ed me for clubbing..

But i'm alr out of the clubbing phase..

Then much later Harris jio-ed too...

Which i gladly turned down as well..

Wad's the point of drowning yourself in music and a sea of girls..

As long as i'm in the sad zone,

I'll never get well..

Things will never go smoothly..

But i jus can't forget about her..

I got to admit..

I'm missing her so bad everyday..

Even when i act normal,

I'm not..

I think about her all the time..

Even dreamt about her all the time..

But i understood that she hates me for life..

Cuz the things i did were beyond hurtful for a girl to take..

I kept finding excuses..

Denying, Lying, Self-Defending...

But the real reason behind all is...

I dun wanna lose her...

You know wad??

The worst thing about loving you, Sandrina...

Is watching you love someone else...

And the moment you said you had a boyfriend...

I lost it...

Insanity took over me...

I couldn't control the hatred..

I'm sorry....

Arg !!!!!!!

IT'S FUCKING KILLING ME !!!!!!

She was jus so beautiful..

And so perfect..

Out-going and the cheerful type..

Exactly jus the piece of meat for me..

Lols..

Alright.. anyway..

Heading out for lunch with G..

Then accompanying S to get smth at serangoon..

Probably might get to meet "Lolz girl" later tonight..

I think Sam's coming back to Sg..

Its good to have a little bit of fun before NS starts..

Ciao..

Out of random-ness..

I was brought back to the 10th of Jan '09..

The bus i was in jus pulled up at the bus stop,

in front of far east plaza..

There she stood...

Smiling like an angel..

As i got off the bus..

My gaze fell on her instantenously..

She was the prettiest thing i'v seen for a long time..

Those precious moment in scotts..

When she held my hand and signal me to follow..

For the first time..

In the train heading down to Novena to meet Johnathon..

We looked each other in the eyes..

Those were moments to treasure..

Those were memories to savour..

At the end..

We had a past..

At least I tried..

We both tried..

Things jus couldn't go our way..

We were jus not meant for each other..

We were jus not meant to be..

Its funny how fate made a fool out of us..

On second thoughts,

Its funny how fate brought us together..

2 people who have no way of knowing each other at all..

Met each other..

This is FATE..

Its wad you do today,

that makes tmr..

Its been maybe 2 months plus..

I still can't let go..

And the count is still on...

So last night was slacking under blk with ken and 2 girls..

Then it rain-ed..

So decided to take shelter at the stairs as the rain was quite heavy and its slashing in..

Then somehow,

Went to my place to watch movies..

Ken slept on my couch..

The rest of us watched some horror shows..

Then they all fell asleep on the couch after chatting a little..

Next morning..

Woke up late..

Had lunch with Wh downstairs..

He came up to get some songs..

Played heads up poker..

Which was so lame..

Then he helped me count out my piggy bank..

That's even lamer..

It was a lame sunday...

Lost bettings on soccer..

LMao..

That pretty much sums up..

come on..

You said u moved on???

How is it possible if u'r still clinging onto the hatred..

Another day spent at home..

Doctor's, parent's, relative's, brother's, friend's advice..

No one wants to come out and slack with me now..

All wants me to rest at home..

I know u guys care..

But i'm stronger then this yo'

One, 21 guns !!!

Lay down your arms, give up the fight..

Ain't this song rock !!??

Haix..

In the morning, Aunt came..

Bought me essience to help me recover faster..

Then afternoon Sheng called..

Said tonight brothers all gathering..

Going pub drink..

Wanted to go if not for my wound..

=(

So didn't go..

Stayed at home..

Ken jus called..

Going down to slack with him for abit..

Oh yeah...

Haven smoked for like 5 days???

OMG !! 5 !!!!???

I'm still alive !!!

HAHAS !!!

Ciao !

I miss her..

That sucks..

But i'v sworn that no matter,

in wad circumstances,

I will not ever msg her or call her again..

Its not easy but i'm done playing her game..

So wad if i still love her..

She made me make her hate me..

Now it'll definitely be someone else satisfying her needs from now on..

I should go look somewhere else too...

Staring too long at the closed door,

only make me not realise the number of open-ed doors there are around me..

Hey ppl..

Jus came back from the hospital..

I was admitted o Tan Tock Seng Emergency ward on Tuesday..

When i woke up in the morning,

I thought nothing about the pain i alr had while still slping..

But it got worst as the hour goes by...

So i decided to tell my mum about it..

She then cabbed me to the 24hours clinic in bishan..

The doctor there gave me 2 injections and spoonful of syrup to drink..

Still the pain had not subside after 1 hour..

The doctor decided to send me to the hospital..

Cabbed down to the A&E...

Was wheel-ed into the waiting room while mum when to register..

Meanwhile some nurses asked me about the situation..

Which i repeated myself more then 20 times that day IN PAIN..

well.. wad to do..

So after that several doctors came to check on me..

and at the end of the day..

The diagnosis is i'v gotten appendicitises..

It is inflammation of the vermiform appendix..

When i asked the doctors wad are the possibilities i could have gotten it from,

the reply i got was so lame..

It wasn't at all scientific..

She merely jus said it depends on how heng or suay you are..

LOL??

Well..

My 2 days stay in the hospital was quite pleasant..

Although there was one person who really played me like a fool..

the rest of the ppl i informed were most caring and concern..

And from this incident..

i know who truely cares..

Oh yeah..

Before i checked out from the hospital today,

Suddenly rmb norine saying Cheryl Pan works in TTS..

So decided to give her a call..

And coincidentally..

She jus ended work..

So she came up to visit me with a drink..

How sweet..

Was glad she and leoga are still going strong !!

Good luck to you 2..

Waiting for the wedding invitations..

HAHAS..

and she talked some senses into me as well..

To her, It seems like i didn't change at all after norine..

HAHAS..

yeah.. you were right..

I was still the same guy...

Still haven matured one bit..

Anyway, told her my problems,

Catched up abit and she had to go alr..

So bid farewell..

For the past 2 days..

All i did was lie in bed all the time..

My mum brought me the book i was reading halfway and now i'm close to finishing it..

Also talked to ppl..

Esp Shi min..

We talked and joked about things even i was in such a weak condition..

Sometimes, when i lie there alone..

I would think about the happy memories i had with my ex..

Would normally get emotionall.

But then, after the way she treated me even i was ill and unwell..

I deemed her as heartless and a bitch i regretted even knowing..

I deeply regretted even fucking her at all..

Jus the thought of her name totally destroyed my mood...

"Do too much evil things that why i ended up here right?"

At least not as bad as the things u did..

Look where are you now??

At least i have a ****** who loves me and still supports me in wadever i do..

What about you??

Where's yours??

You were right..

When i really hate someone..

I can say the worst things about them..

It may not be true..

But they will always be the worst of the worst..

Anyway..

Going out to meet Jon and sarah now..

Was supposed to rest at home but so sick of lying in bed..

Alright..

Ciao.

Here a photo of my surgery wound..

I'm missing her like mad..

She's probably trying very hard to hide that evil laughter seeing me in this state..

But oh well..

Whenever i felt emo,

I'll call ppl and talk..

And they always never fail to remind me of the reasons why i should jus walk away..

With so many better girls out there..

Girls that have a future..

I jus wad i'm feeling now is tempo..

It'll go away someday..

I just hope every tmr will be that day..

Alright forget it..

Whole morning dota with Ah Sheng..

Long time nvr see him le..

Last time i saw him was at Ah seng's wedding..

Where i saw my ex as well..

But she was fucking dao..

LOL..

Think pondering if i should go meet them later..

Going to pub..

Like abit waste of money leh..

Hmmm...

If i can get over norine..

How difficult would it be trying to forget girls that doesn't match up to her standards..

=)

This was a edited post..

I felt that my first draft was too much..

Too childish..

Too nonsencial..

And too insulting..

I jus wanna love her in silence now..

I'll end here..

Nights..

Woke up this morning first thing thought of Shi min..

Last night we chatted for bout 4 hours..

Talking about almost everything about ourselves..

She asked alot regarding Jiayi,

my ex whom was her ex classmate..

The whole night was liven up by her and mine laughter..

It was great..

HAHAS..

Then called Wh and ask if he wanted to have lunch..

Took a shower after that..

The first thoughts that came to my mind

when the run shot out from the shower hose was,

"I'll rather give you up then give up my rabbit !"

I was thinking to myself, yeah..

She didn't even gave a shit about me..

Why still care so much about her??

Why waste my time on someone,

who is willing to give me up for a rabbit..

Anyway..

Got all my pay today,

The flyers, Ytd's job..

And an extra allowance from mum..

=D

Was working this whole day..

Yong seng's job intro..

Jio-ed Wh along..

Was at the padang the whole day..

Saw Conray..

Now i'm tanned..

But only my arms and face..

Wore jeans and it was bloody hot..

Anyway.. Started at 8am.. Ended ard 6pm..

Cabbed home with Wh..

Had dinner and then went up to his place for EPL 09/10's first game.

Which hull should have drawn with chelsea.

But wadever.. Heck it..

Betted heavily on one of the matches tonight..

Good luck to me.. Hahas..

I miss her..

But so wad?

So fucking wad??

I'm really a joke man..

Some of you might wanna take joke as a jerk..

I'm fine with it..

I so wanna call her..

so wanna hear her voice..

But time over and over again..

I'm reminded by the things she did..

And said..

And it was good enough to stop me from carrying on that mistake..

Now hoepfully..

I can get to meet some gal who respects her own body..

And most importantly,

Respect me as a bf..

Not as a standby only needed to dry those tears..

Or warm those cold legs..

Who says a better girl won't come along?

Who says??

The heart loves her, but the mind hates her..

I spent 20hrs a day battling the devil of temptations..

The only time i'm not doing something stupid or silly is when i'm

sleeping..

I didn't expect this to bug me so much..

After all those previous r/s..

It's suppose to be so much easier..

But thoughts of those things..

Can't say wad..

If not sure receive msgs from that cb..

But those whom knew the whole picture..

U should know wad i'm refering to..

So wad if i haven seen it with my own eyes..

It doesn't mean it will not happen..

Or will happen..

But i'm quite sure it will..

So when u see 'em outside..

You know wad you are looking at..

It's more or less that..

Anyway..

Can't wait for NS..

Training every now and other day to get in shape..

It's lonely though..

Everyday doing the same things..

But i mean in the past..

Every friday and sat, I do lots of pumping..

So kinda used to doing them alr..

hahas..

Its the same for the past 6mths..

It's like a MUST-DO service..

Standard one..

HAHAS !!

Fcuk , that sounds so mean..

But well..

At least that's wad i think now..

There ain't a girl i hated this much..

She's really something to make me hate and dis-respect a girl so much..

Anyway..

WHY AM I STILL SAYING ALL THESE ALL THE TIME,

WHEN I STILL LOVE HER??

I DUN FEEL GOOD..

BUT YET AGAIN ON SECOND THOUGHTS,

I FEEL GOOD..

Arg !!

Wadever lah...

(I'm told to censored this line)*

That's so random !!!

My goodness !!!

Fcuk it man..

All i did everyday is think.. think.. think...

Cb..

Someday i'm gonna need specs for my brain..

Think too much alr..

Anyway..

.

.

.

.

.

.

Jo.. u not happy your problem lah..

leave me alone !!

Knn.. wad disturb you..

You are the one calling me every fucking day..

Slut !!!

Jus like her..

You all are jus sluts !!!

Knowng that she is leading her life happily..

I dun feel abit happy at all..

It's not at all like wad i said before,

"If she is happy, i'll be happy.."

I realise i have been jealous, angry, envy of her..

Why is it that she is enjoying her life after the break up yet,

i'm not..

Is it becuz she commited lesser?

Or i over commited?

But no.. I THINK its becuz i made her hate me so much..

That it overcomes every single emotional feeling..

I tend to forget to love her infact..

So right now as i still remember her as the girl in my dreams..

I'll jus let her be..

I wan her to be happy..

I really do..

And i'm sure that we'll never get to talk..

Or see each other again..

Why would she wanna see me anyway..

I'm the biggest jerk in this world !!!!

Hitting the gym now..

I'm meeting [ ]...

Like finally !!!

=D

I'm lost for words..

After 6mths..

This is the end..

Like wtf..

We'v been thru so much..

And this is how we end up?

You running and hiding behind the screen..

Trying to convince me that its all my fault..

That you did nth wrong..

This is the last thing i needed..

To be wronged..

I did not spread things about u online..

It was a conversation between me and my frens..

Others overheard..

Its different from delibrately spreading rumours..

Its different..

I was pissed off to the max..

But i didn't take it out on you..

I tried to lose my cool behind your back..

I didn't wanna look like a pitiful idoit in front of you..

I hated you back then for being such a unloyal bitch..

But now.. today..

I hate you for fucking lying..

You think its fun??

I tried my best to come back..

And u got to destroy all the faith..

Fuck you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before u told me u had a bf..

We were still on talking terms..

We were still okay..

You still calls me on the phone..

There wasn't any hatred..

But u chose that path..

U created all the hatred between us...

U made me hate the girl i loved the most..

The one girl i thought of spending my life with..

You destroyed it all..

every single one bit of it...

But i'm glad.. You taught me values..

Morals..

You taught me how impt my family is to me..

You brought me back to reality..

You taught me how not to hurt my parents again..

How not to defy them..

And you yourself??

I can picture that priceless look on ur mum's face,

when she sees wad her precious has been doing out there..

I dun regret all these doings..

I hated you..

And it will go on..

Even if i see you on the streets..

You ain't worthy for my eyes for i never lay my eyes on

trash.

Better than me you deserve

I think you could do better than me

After all the lies i made you believe

And guilt kicks in and i start to see

The edge of the bed where your nightgrown used to be

.

I told myself i won't miss you

But i remembered what it feels like beside you

.

I really miss you hair in my face

And the way your innocence tastes

And i think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

.

While looking through your box of notes

I found pictures I took that you were looking for

If there's one memory i dun wanna lose

That time in the mall, you and me in the dressing room

.

I told myself i won't miss you
But i remembered what it feels like beside you

.

I really miss you hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

.

The bed i'm lying in is getting colder

Wish i never would said it's over

And i can't pretend

.

I won't think about you when i'm older

'Caue we never really had out closure

This can't be the end

.

I really miss you hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

.

I really miss you hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

.

And i think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

.

And i think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

And i think you should know this

11th Aug

This is supposely the 7mths we knew each other..

Today marks the start of the 1 mth countdown to my enlistment..

It also marks the start of my new life..

Went out to meet Jon..

Acc-ed him to study at Macs..

A routine for us in the past when i was still in poly..

I brought a book along..

A fiction book written by Low Kay Hwa..

A true life story of a NYJC girl..

It was touching..

I had tears in my eyes as i was reading into the final chapter of the book..

Anyway.. I jus wanted to start over again..

I knew my mistakes..

I knew my short-comings.

I knew i had to change..

I knew it all..

But i jus could not execute it..

I took out all the things and gifts she bought for me..

The everlast top and the shirt she got me from taiwan..

The lollipops which i haven eaten..

The 2 bottles of perfume, Ferrari and BurBerry..

I took them out of my house..

And place them into the small thingy my grandma uses to burn stuff..

And i lit them on fire...

Purfume contains alcohol..

So it was not hard to get the fire started

And in matter of mins..

They were all gone..

Burnt and destroyed..

Of cuz i had to throw the bottles away..

It was sad..

But i had to move on..

Jon was with me when i wished her as the clock struck 12.10am..

And the next advise he gave me was to delete every possible way of contacts.

I couldn't do it back then when we jus broke up..

But i figured i can't back out now..

So her numbers were erased, Msn deleted..

Deleted the short-cut link in my favourites to her blog..

The photos and stuff were all gone by now..

It's gym tmr at Warrens..

Jon claimed i slimmed down..

Yes..

I went from 83kg to 76kg...

Not much.. But a good start at least..

Without any exercise..

"Its not how the world looks at you..

Its how you look at the world.."

Finally, i had the courage to take off my mask..

And be who i am..

All these while...

I'v been hiding the fact that i wan her back..

Instead, wad i have been doing is the opposite..

I was so sure back then we didn't hve any chances at all..

I was a fool..

I screwed things up..

Had i been a little patience..

Jus even a lil...

My heart hurts so bad even as i'm typing this..

I'm telling everyone i dun wan you back..

I'm over you..

Yet.. i'm far from it..

I'v been doing things out of rage..

I didn't thought of the consequences..

I am a fickle-minded bastard..

Cheryl, you were right..

And i can understand why u left..

It's okay.. i dun hate you..

I'm glad we are still frens..

Infact we are like better frens..

Jus a lil below best frens.. Right?

you are the only ex whom i still keep contact with..

Honoured?? =D

Anyway, i miss those times we went

swimming,

mahjong (rmb at dason's house),

k-box,

movies,

Pooling,

and dota !!! (Yes we had alot of fun dota-ing tgt didn't we??)

Argg.. good old days..

It was after you that i met Sand..

I really wish i have someone here to jus dry my tears for me..

This past month has been the hardest period i'v ever been thru..

"This could be the end of everything..

I wish we could jus go to somewhere only we know.."

Sorry.. got distracted by the song..

Arg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wad a BORING saturday..

Had lunch with Wh at the prata store near home..

Then slacked for abit b4 going home..

Dota-ed the whole day practically..

Took a nap ard evening..

Woke up and mum was back with dinner..

Ate and dota-ed more..

Then talked to Shi Min abit..

I'm starting to like this gal more and more..

HAhas..

OKay..

Dun so hong...

I'm not like somebody..

K lah.. going to bed now..

Sunday.. Wad am i gonna do??

=/

Oh Oh !!!

I'm so into Iron maiden..

and Rush...

Their songs are damn nice..

Maybe heading out to HMV to get their posters and album..

Cheers!

Haix..

How can i not care anymore?

I am jus hurting myself..

She dun won't even appreciate it..

Its the thoughts that counts bros...

But so wad?

She hates me to the core and its pretty much a dead end trail i'm walking..

I jus hope my exercise routine for aug can kill me..

Exhaust me so badly that all i wanna do is rest at home and do nth everyday..

Will be heading to the gyms and pool and parks starting from monday..

Under supervision from a personal coach..

Hopefully can get over PTP and go to BMT..

My pay from that company is still not in yet !!!

Still got S$750 !!!

God damn it !!

you were my everything

This post is for that very special someone..
I think u know who u are..
I'm sorry i blamed everything on u..
As if it was your fault that things turned out this way..
As i was back tracking my steps..
I realised..
I was the cause of all trouble..
Firstly.. I did not trust u..
I tried and did invaded into your privacy..
I gave you no space to breathe..
Took away your freedom to do things u enjoy..
You knew that i didn't like certain things and you stayed away from doing them..
You were the most understanding gf i ever had..
But abit materialistic of cuz..
But those are dreams of yours and its nothing wrong to have dreams..
But dun ask for things cuz they will come to you in forms of surprise..
I regretted letting you go..
When u told me u wanted to break up with me..
I was playing poker..
And i had a potential winning hand..
therefore i chased you away by agreeing..
It was a bloody big mistake..
For jus a couple of dollars and entertainment..
I paid a great price..
Losing you..
I finally understood everything..
Its not where i pick up girls..
Its not how i manage to date them..
Its not their background..
The problem lies with me..
I dun trust any of them at all..
And therefore i dun deserve to be in anymore r/s..
Cuz all i'll do is cause more pain..
I jus want to say ...
It's all my fault baby..
It's all mine...
you are close to perfect as a gf..
Wadever u said and did after the break up..
It's logical cuz i was still being persistant..
Bugging you daily..
But when u were my gf..
U did a damn good job..
I love you and i thank you for loving me once..

.
.

~Our very first photo~

Work !!

Today's post is a lil much earlier then the rest cuz i'm heading to bed soon..

Anyway, the feeling of not sleeping for more then 24hours really sux..

Jus got off the phone with Mei at 10pm..

Slept till now which is 1am..

3hours ONLY !!!!

Wtf !!

But i feel fresh alr..

But of cuz still need more rest cuz i'm starting work early tmr..

Jus giving out flyers and stuff..

Anyway..

The whole day's mood was spoilt by that bitch..

Went dinner with Alan , jac and their frens..

Alan and Jac were so pissed off that they jus told me to stay in hub and find another gal and start anew..

No point thinking about that kind of girl who doesn't even have a heart at all..

And everyone kept telling me i should have known that this was gonna happen since day 1 when i met her..

Becuz we dated on the first day of meeting !!!

How fucking retarded !!!

So alan was replying my msgs for me..

At least a few..

And ard 9 plus i went home..

Was supposed to acc mei home..

But then i rmbed i had work the next day and needed the rest super badly..

Then that bitch kept all those threats and bullshit nonsense coming..

Wadever lah fuck..

Jus go and last long with your baby lah..

Lan jiao..

My problem wan care so much..

Oh yeah.. the only thing i rmb b4 falling asleep was mei yelling at me..

She desperately wans me to wake up and...

Stop missing her..

Thinking bout her..

And talking to her...

Which i pretty much will...

But she claims i always "kou shi xin fei"..

I really wanna do it..

That bitch is driving me nuts..

ARRRGGGGG !!!

Anyway... Fuck it..

Her life is hers to lead..

And be it pathetic or exciting..

Its all her fucking problem..

Nothing to do will me anymore..

Now thinking back at those memories..

It makes me sick to the gut..

Happy memories kept coming back..

But jus picturing her true colours when she was back then..

I can really start puking..

How naive was I to actually have loved her..

HOW NAIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life's jus so boring...
I miss her all the time.. sad to say..

i mean how could u jus forget someone u loved so easily..

But obvious gals can..

they dun lack suitors..

And any guys with a sweet tongue can jus hook them up easily..
Even better if the girl jus broke up..

Cuz she needs someone there for her..
to comfort her..

to lend a shoulder..

and the guy will be more then happy to if his after her..

Wad's with the MJ music..

Fucking irritating..

Hear them on the radio everyday this time..

Anyway.. fuck it..

I dun even know why i brought this up..

It's jus hard i guess..

It wasn't as simple as it seems..

Anyway.. 3 more years and i'll be out of the country..

Here's a picture of the sunrise i get to see every morning..

Isn't it the prettiest thing u ever seen from nature??

:D

Poker night

Hey ppl..

Jus came back from intense poker session..

From 12am till now..

Which is about 15hrs plus..

Lost $50 in the end..

Like wtf..

Was winning so much earlier on..

Anyway, tuesday night , dota-ed with ben, nick and alex..

Mum sent me over to Josh's for a get-together..

We watched a movie on poker..

And how ppl play and stuff..

A live story..

So after that..

Ate Macs, and started playing..

Anyway...

The conversation i had with mum on the way to Josh's was the highlight..

I told her about my plans after NS..

And she was very positive about letting me go to the states to study uni..

it'll cost ard S$150k for 4years..

It's alot of money..

And i really can't afford to screw up cuz they will be selling my condo to afford my sch fees..

I'm really super touched..

And the other reason is my sis is studying in SMU now..

And her fees were not cheap even after govt subcidies..

About $10k per year..

And of cuz i dun wanna lose out to my sis in terms of studies..

Although i know my standard is way behind her..

But i'm not jealous..

I'm jus happy to have her as my sister..

And i love her alot. =)

Anyway, eating my lunch now..

Haven slept at all..

Maybe after watching a movie or 2 then i'l head to bed..

Hope i can wake up in time for training tonight..

Intended to meet mei..

But then i told her had training so had to arrange another day..

It's been so long since i last saw her..

And that last time was at bedok when i was with " you know who"...

Miss her so badly..

Okay lah..

Post again.

Cya ppl..

Love is not everything..

Your individual self is..

During this 1month plus after the break up..

I'v indugled in watching movies..

Love stories, comdies, horrors and action movies..

Of these.. I got inspired by quite a few movies..

Life is a journey, a story..

And most stories get a happy ending..

And my story, i get to decide the ending..

So no.. Of cuz i wan a happy ending as well..

So at this age..

I can't be blinded by love..

Jus not yet..

There's so many things to be done..

So many places to explour..

So many advantages ahead in wait...

And i dun wanna end up a loser..

So first, i got to change my attitude..

Be it towards family, frens or my lover..

The attitudes i had were all wrong..

And i need to make adjustments..

And i will..

Finally, i'v straighten out..

No gal of mine now is ever more important then myself..

I'v hurt myself bad enough..

and if i continue..

I'll only end up having to recover from relationships again..

It's jus a waste of time..

So before i get my adjustments made..

I'm staying out of the danger zones..

I'm jus gonna live my life right..

And be as knowledgable as i ever be..

That is supposely how i wan my life to be..

So no more silly thoughts and harassations..

(If that is even a word).

Alright..

I'm gonna cook myself some food..

Getting a lil hungry now..

Oh yeah..

My circle of frens are expending like mad now..

Rather cool..

As the saying goes..

"When one door closes...

We tend to look too closely at the closed one

and yet not discover the open door

that's waiting for us.."

It's time i consider my options..

And walk thru that open door..

I was so naive...

I thought laying low..

Stopping all the desperate measures...

You'll see a change..

But as days goes by..

They turn into false hopes..

I was dump enough to believe that you actually believe in love..

I'v tried to hold back myself..

Tried to be nice..

Send a msg or 2 once in a blue moon..

But all i got back was negativity..

It's like we had never had anything going b4..

I screwed up after the plug was pulled..

I should have been patience and waited..

But the thought of losing you was so bad..

And therefore i'v did things and lost you forever..

Even when i conceed to losing you alr..

You didn't gave me a chance to change..

I dun even know, frankly speaking why we ended up like this..

Alright maybe i know, but jus that??

Argg....

Why am i still here talking bout these...

There's so many other better girls out there..

Wife material..

And yet i'm still broading over the gf-material..

You wan me to lay off you..

Whose laying off me then?

Thoughts of us everywhere appear all the time..

I can't even step into my room without thinking,

wad has happened in this room b4..

I can't even do anything at all..

So u got ur revenge..

Are you happy?

Stastified??

Many doubted me if i really got over ya..

I doubt myself at times too..

ARR... FCUK ITTTTTT....

Jus go do wadever you wan..

I won't bother you anymore..

you'v been living in a lie..

And wad's the point of cont missing you..

Your love is jus a lie..

Jus like you are...

You wanna be with some fucked up model go ahead..

You wanna sell yur body..

Fcuking go ahead..

wads the point of holding on when all you do is hurt the love.

love is not stubbornly holding on and making her unhappy when she's with you,

and even when she's not with you.

if you love her, let her be happy.

-karen-

.

.

Well.. After today..

I realised i had so many frens that i'v lost touch with,

yet they still cared for me..

Asking me how is everything and stuff..

So the whole day i'v been jus telling my stories to so many ppl..

And they all gave me the same reaction..

Which was pretty shit..

But well... It's all the past..

And guys !!!

I am really alright..

I'm not emo..

No.. no.. not for this girl.

Nvr anymore..

Hahas..

Alright.. SOMETIMES..

maybe a lil..

But other then that.. I'm good..

Was thinking of getting a chalet before i get enlisted..

Then was jus thinking of who to invite..

Ahhh..

I know..

I'll invite all my ex(s)...

LOL.. that's a joke..

I can't be serious man..

Dun wan 'em to spoil the night..

So ppl.. If u get an invitation..

Means u meant alot to me alright?

Cheers !!

Sat night.

Hey ppl..

I jus got home after spending a very different Sat night out..

Well.. Practically i woke up at several timings..

Due to the headaches i'm getting from the hangover..

So woke up at 7pm eventually..

Went to meet Harris for dinner...

Ate at Sumo...

Then went to hub for a stroll..

As usual.. talked bout my problem...

But i am letting it go now..

Yourself before others..

1 very good advise i got from brother ben..

Erm, so after that we decided to head to novena for lanning..

Guan Kai and guan yu came an hour later to join us..

Dota-ed whole night with them and Jon Chua..

Then left about 4am..

Didn't wanna waste money on cabs..

So we walked from novena to toa payoh..

Took us about 45mins..

Had breakfast at Braddell Macs...

Still was feeling abit emotional..

But really did alot of thinking and I jus have to let it go..

I really wanna start over again..

But because i can't control myself..

It's like wad's done cannot be undone..

I dun expect her to come back anymore..

I dun expect anything from her..

I jus wan her to be happy with her bf..

And i hope he will keep to his word and bring her happiness..

Anyway.. From toa payoh..

We walked back to AMK..

It was really tiring..

And while walking home,

I ran into wawa..

So we had a little chat session at my blk void deck.

It was an eye opener..

Didn't realise so many things have been happening..

Went back ard 9am..

Jus came out from shower..

Gonna have my rest now..

.

.

SH, i'm sorry if i'v done anything to spoil our frenship..

I should not have revealed anything at all..

I'm sorry..

Still frens right?

My lolz gal ! =D

Last night was fun..
A boring to the core night turned to a fun filled one..
With jus 3 othr frens..
Sitting at the void deck..
Drinking vodka..
Well.. at first it was only me and harris..
We were at 353..
Drinking and smoking and chatting..
Then this burma drunkard came over and talk shit to us..
Well.. he took our drinks and smokes,
But that's not the worst..
His pathetic european fianace came over..
Smashes all our drinks and anything on the table..
And then kpkb at him..
asking him wtf is he hanging out with 2 fucking strangers..
So we got hot alr..
Harris went over and had a heated argement with that bitch..
Which led to calling in of the police..
5 came in 2 cars..
And after we explained ourselves.
the police told us they could't do anything about it..
And we had to take it to the courts if we wanted to sue her or smth like that..
Which we can't be fucked..
So nvrmind after that we shifted to my blk..
Then wen hui and JH came over..
And we drank more, smoke, played tai di, played 5-10.
And the drinks went up super quickly...
So did me and harris...
We went completely wasted..
Enough strength to walk home though..
And apparently, i rmb msging her..
But didn't realise the content was so insulting till when i saw her reply..
LOL.. my goodness..
But i thought wad i sent her made sense..
It happened to me, it's always gonna happen on someone else again..
Feeling fucking aweful now as i am typing this post..
Heads spinning a lil..
Gonna get somemore sleep now...
Ciaoz..